Saturday, March 26, 2011

vomiting

Eat for the health of it.

Although it is natures way of ridding the stomach of things that can make your body sick, vomiting a lot isn't good for you either. Some people love food so much that they stuff themselves and think nothing of forcing themselves to vomit. This rids your stomach of good natural juices that help with digestion. If you do get sick and you do vomit try drinking juice from pears, guava, mango and papaya or the ripe fruits but stay away from citrus fruits and juices.

Please try my all natural cookbook to keep yourself healthy. GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com,Phone Number 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: www.BarnsandNoble.com, www.Abebooks.com, www.Amazonbooks.com and www.books-a-million.com. If you or any family member has allergies, this is a good book to tell you how to cook without those nasty chemicals.

Laughter is healthy:

If you don't laugh at this, you better see the doctor.

Ethel was in the nursing home and was a real demon with her wheel chair.She would go at top speed up and down the halls, and because the woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the others around tolerated her.
One day Ethel was speeding in the one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out and streched his arm out and said,"STOP." and then asked,"Do you have a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her purse and came out with a Kit Kat wrapper.
"OK" he said.

Ethel continued down the hall and weird Harold popped out in front of her and said,"Stop! Do you have proof of insurance?"

Ethel quickly searched her purse again and pulled out a drink coaster.

Harold nodded and said,"On your way Ma'am."
As Ethel reached the corner, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked and holding 'You-Know-What' in his hand and Ethel said,"Oh, good grief, not that Breathalyzer test again!!!"

Now if that didn't make you laugh, you better check into a morgue.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Impotence or erection problems

Eat for the health of it.

If you have this problem, try a bottle of warm beer with a pinch of cayenne pepper or ginger root powder added to it. It's worth a try.

Try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Or at: www.dorrancepublishing.com or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also at Books-a-million.com or Amazon.com or BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Two men go bear hunting. One stays in the cabin and the other decides to do a little hunting. He finds a huge bear and shoots at him but only wounds him. He drops his rifle and runs. He is doing a good job of staying ahead of the bear but he can hear him getting closer and closer. Just as he reaches the cabin door, he trips and falls and the bear is so close behind him that he trips and falls over the guy and rolls into the cabin.

The man jumps up, closes the door and says,"You skin this one while I go get another one."

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Crabs or crotch crickets or pubic body lice

Eat for the health of it.

Mostly these little devils are in the pubic area but they can also be in the eyelashes, trunk hair or the armpit hair. If this happens just get some shampoo or lotion (A-200 Pyrinate) and use it liberally on your body wherever you think they are, like waist to knees. Also you can try 1 tablespoon of tea tree oil or melalueca oil to one pint of warm water or bathe with a soap or shampoo containing melalueca. Although the lice die quickly the itching may linger for a week. Be sure to wash the bedding and it might be a good idea to wash it every day for a few days, using hot water and soap. They are usually sexually transmited but on rare occasions, if an infected person sits on the toilet seat and you use that toilet seat within a short time, it could happen like that. I always wipe the toilet seat off and that should help.

Don't forget my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also at Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com. Enjoy! Thank you for those who have already ordered my book.

Laughter is healthy:

This old fella goes fishing on a frozen lake. He cuts a hole in the ice and drops his line in. He's there for an hour and hasn't caught a thing. A young boy comes near him and cuts a hole and drops the line in and catches a fish almost instantly. The old fella watches him and he catches another. This goes on for some time and the older man is curious and goes over to the boy and asks him,"How do you do that? I haven't caught a thing yet and I have been here for an hour and a half."
The boy responds,"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

The old man looks puzzled and he said, "I didn't understand what you said,"

Again the boy says," Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

The old man says,"Look I can't understand a thing you are saying."

So the boy spits into his glove and says,"You have to keep the worms warm."

Thursday, March 10, 2011

just another joke

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy:

Four fishermen go on a fishing trip.They rent all the equipment they need, the reels, rods, wading suites, the boat, the car, and even the cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch a thing.Every day was the same, no fish. Finally after almost a week of trying one of the men catches a fish. On the way home one of the men says,"Do you realise that this lousy fish cost us $1500?"

One of the other guys pops up and says,"Wow! I'm sure glad we didn't catch any more!"

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Just a joke tonight

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy: A young preacher is contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside service. On the way to the cemetery the young preacher got lost and was late getting to the cemetery. There wasn't anyone there but a couple of guys eating their lunch. The pastor goes over to the grave sight. The vault lid was already on the grave. He takes out his prayer book and begins to read the service.

As he returns to his car he hears the men chuckling and one asks the other, "Should we tell him that we just installed a new septic tank?"

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Honey and cinnamon

Eat for the health of it.

If you are having a lot of colds, upset stomach, and other ailments and you are tired of them just take a tablespoon of all natural honey and a teaspoon of ground cinnamon. Mix it together and drink it or place it in some hot tea and drink it. Repeat every day until the problem is gone. Or if you feel like it, take it to keep from getting colds or flu. Just remember to check the honey and make sure it is all natural, yes, they are cutting our good healthy honey with High Fructose Corn Syrup. And another thing is that they are changing the name from HFCS to Corn Sugar, so don't let them fool you.

Why not try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone at:1-800-788-7654.Also at: www.amazonbooks.com, abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com and BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A preschool teacher asks the class, "Can anyone give me a sentence using the word definately?"
The first little girl stands up and says,"The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher says,"No, Amy,the sky can be blue or gray."
Little Johnnie stands up and says,"The trees are definitely green."
The teacher again explains that the trees can be other colors.
The little boy from the back of the class stands up and asks,"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and answers, "Of course not!"
"Okay. Then I definitely messed my pants."