Grandma's Cookbook

just a joke tonight

2011-10-11T23:44:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

An older couple sitting on the loveseat and the wife says,"Dear, do you remember when we used to sit close and we held hands?"

He moves over close to her and takes her hand in his.

"Dear,do you remember when you always held me tight?"

He puts his arms around her and he squeezes her.

She continues,"Do you remember when you would nibble on my ear as you held me tight?"

The husband stands up and starts to walk away.

She asks, "Where are you going?"

"I have to go to the bathroom to get my teeth."

just a joke tonight

2011-09-25T21:56:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Joke only tonight.

A twenty year old gal marries an eighty five year old man. On there wedding night the bride decides that because of the age difference that they would sleep better if they slept in different rooms.

After the wedding party was over they went to their seperate rooms and as she is getting ready for bed, a knock comes to the door. It's her new husband and he is ready for some love making. He finishes and leaves the room and she gets ready for bed. She is just about to sleep when a knock comes to the door again and it is her husband, back for more love making.

Again she accepts his advances and she is satisfied and he again leaves the room and the young bride is tired and returns to her bed. She is about to sleep when another knock comes to the door and she gets up to see who is there . Once again it is her husband and he wants to make love again. Again they make love and are both satisfied.

As they are lying there side by side, the young bride says,"I am really impressed with your love making, I can't believe that you have the stamina of a man half your age...you're really great."

The guy turns to her and asks,"Have I been here before?"

Healthy foods verses supermarket

2011-09-23T23:48:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Have you ever been concerned about sugar? You always hear things but you don't want to believe it. White sugar is bleached with a chemical and to me it's like poison because when I eat bleached white sugar I break out from the bleaching agent in the sugar that makes it white. Now I buy and use unbleached sugar. It's great for cooking and baking and I like it too because there are no bleaching agents in it. The only problem is that when you try to make lemonade or lemon meringue pie, it makes the lemonade or the lemon pie taste different and it will have a different kinda tan color to it. That's simple to fix; I just buy Xylitol from the health food store and make the lemonade or the lemon pie with the Xylitol and you will love it too.

Sugar from the health food store; called whole organic sugar. Ingredients:whole refined evaporated cane juice, squeezed dry and ground. It is dried in it's whole state; a living food and an excellent source of energy and the molasses is not separated from the sugar streams, thereby they do not bleach the granuals to make them snow white. If they would use unbleached sugar in everything that calls for sugar; people wouldn't get sick, like being diabetic. Therefor it isn't the sugar that is bad for you, it's the bleaching agents and the bleaching process that is really the culprit here. Try using more unbleached sugar. Also Xylitol, this is naturally white and safe.

Sugar from the supermarket should really have a label on it that says: This sugar has been grown chemically, highly processed, using chemicals and stripped of all of its nutritional value. Although it looks nice it has been stripped of any food value and has become a dangerous addictive food.

Please try my all natural cookbook: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at:www.dorrancepublishing.com, www.books-a-million.com, www.barnesandNoble.com and most book stores will order it for you if you give them the name of the book and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A couple was dining in a fine restaurant when all of a sudden the man slides down and under the table. The woman seemed so unconcerned. The waitress not paying attention to the guy that just walked in the door was headed straight for the table where this lady sat. The waitress walked up to the lady seated at the table and said,"Excuse me Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table."

Unconcerned the lady said,"No he didn't, he just walked in the door."

Healthy food verses supermarket brands

2011-09-22T23:35:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Organic Mayonaise at the Health Food Store, ingredients:Expeller pressed soybean oil, organic eggs, filtered water, pure honey, organic vinegar, sea salt, organic dry mustard and organic lemon juice.

On the other hand:

Supermarket: Product name: Miracle Whip Mayonaise. Ingredients: Water, soybean oil, vinegar, high fructose corn syrup, eggs, sugar, modified food starch,salt, mustard flower, artificial color, potassium sorbate, paprika, spices, natural flavors and dried garlic.

High Fructose Corn Syrup is poison to me; if I eat a little bit of it, it makes me break out with a horrible and painful rash that will last for days. I don't think they should put it in any food, especially babies food.

It would help get some of these products off the market if people would check ingredients and just buy the food that is all natural.

If you want to learn more about eating all natural, please try my all natural cookbook: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. It is available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone number 1-800-788-7654.
Also available at: www.abebooks.com, www.barnsandNoble.com, www.books-a-million.com.
And you may order from most bookstores and they will order them in for you. Just give them the ISBN# and the name of the book.

Laughter is healthy:

An over weight man decides that he is too much overweight and he decides that his favorite food he will have to give up, which is donuts from the bakery. He drives past the bakery and notices that his favorite coffee cake is in the window. He prays,"Lord, if you want me to have that delicious coffee cake please let there be a parking spot right in front of the bakery." And sure enough there was a parking spot right in front of the bakery, the eight trip around the block.

health foods verses supermarket foods

2011-09-19T23:56:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Sugar from the healthfood store: Product name is Whole Organic Sugar. They take sugar cane and squeeze the juicew out it and let it dry.It is a safe chemical free sweetener, not like the Supermarket white bleached sugar; using dangerous chemicals.I had to find out the hard way that white sugar has a bleaching agent, when I broke out with a terrible rash and going through the process of elimination; I found out that sugar is bleached. Why would anyone put any kind of bleaching agent in any of our food? I suffered a lot before I found this out so I hope this will help anyone that may have a reaction like itchy rashes or hives, then you will have to go throught the process of elimination. It could be other things too. Before I found out for sure on some of the chemicals I had to eat rice or mashed potatoes until I cleared up. And then if you clear up then eat just one food each day, and watch for any skin erruptions. The problem is today that they put so many chemicals in anything they process. It may be hard to detect which one so you would be better off with organic foods. GOOD LUCK!!!

Please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOK BOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7 Available at www.dorrancpublishing.com, 1-800-788-7654. www.books-a-million.com, www.Abebooks.com, Most book stores will order for you if you give them the title and the ISBN#

Sorry no joke tonight, I have to go to bed. TOOO tired.

just a joke tonight

2011-09-06T00:28:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

It all began when I bought my son an IPHONE for his birthday. He loved it.

My wife bought me an IPad for my birthday and that made me very happy.

My daughter got an IPOD TOUCH for her birthday and she was pleased.

So when my wife celebrated her birthday, I bought her an IRON- I thought it would go good with her IWASH- ICOOK and ICLEAN. I was wrong. I should be out of the hospital as soon as I am able to walk.

just a joke

2011-09-02T22:41:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

On the first day, back to school, the dean tells the class:The female dorms will be off limits to all male students and the male dorms are off limits to all the girl students. Furthermore, anyone caught breaking these rules will be fined $20 for the first offense, $60 for the second offense and if you are caught the third time, , your fine will be $180. Any questions?

A male student in the back row asks,"How much for a season pass?"

Just a cute story tonight

2011-08-26T22:13:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

As lttle Johnny walks into class, the teacher shouts,"You're late again."

Little Johnny says,"But Miss Harper, this time it's not my fault."

"Well, then who do we blame for your tardiness?"

"My dad, cause he sleeps naked!"

Although Miss Harper knew she should not let him tell his story, but she was curious herself as to what Johnny was going to say."Go ahead and tell us."

"You see miss Harper, we have this sly old fox that comes around at night and he done ate six chickens in the last few nights. When my dad heard a noise from the chicken coup, he grabbed his shot gun and headed for the hen house.Dad told us to stay back but we were curious. You remember, I said that dad was naked as a jaybird-no boots, pants or shirt, but he crawled to the hen house just like a snooping Indian. He stuck that double barreled shot gun through the window of the chicken coop and as he stared into the darkness, thinking about that fox, our houndog, Roofuss, came sneakin up behind dad. Then we watched as old Roofus done stuck his cold nose right in my dad's crack!"

Miss Harper was speachless as Johnny continued,"Miss Harper, we all been cleanin' chickens since three O'clock this mornin!"

Just a funny story

2011-08-25T23:48:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

My husband and I have decided we will not be going to a nursing home when we get old. We found out that nursing homes cost nearly $200.00 per day, that's in the neighborhood of $6000.00 a month. Holy, Moly!!! Am I right? Is that $72,000 a year? WOW!!!

Well, I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a long term stay discount and the senior discount, it's only $60 some dollars a night. And to top it off breakfast is included and some have happy hour in the afternoon. That sounds great. That leaves us with about $140 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want to go to; room service, laundry, gratuities, special TV movies, Spa, swimming pool and workout room, lounge, washer and dryer, etc. not to mention the free tooth paste, shampoo, soap and even razors.

I should be able to give them each a $5 tip. They treat you like a customer not a patient. Seniors ride free on the shuttle bus, or fake a limp and the handicap bus will pick you up and even help you with packages.

Catch the church bus on Sunday. Take the airport bus just for a change in scenery and eat at one of their fine restaurants. And because of the money building up, you may as well take a plane trip to somewhere.

It takes months to get in a nursing home where you call the Motel and they will get you in today. And you can move from Inn to Inn and from city to city. If you want to go to Hawaii, nows your chance.

If the TV breaks, or the lights go out, need a new mattress,just call for room service. They fix everything and apologise for the inconvenience.

If you fall and get hurt, they will call the ambulance and take you to the hospital and that's covered by medicare anyway.

Your friends and family can come to visit too and check in at the same Motel and the kids will love the pool.

healthy verses not so healthy

2011-08-19T22:33:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Potato chips from the healthfood store has the ingredients listed: organic potatoes, organic sunflower oil and sea salt.

On the other hand:

Potato chips from the super market or regular grocery store, one brand has ingredients listed: dried potatoes, corn oil, sunflower oil, yellow corn meal, wheat starch, malto dextrin, salt, dextrose, whey, buttermilk, dried tomato, dried garlic, partially hydroginated soybean oil( most of this stuff so far has not been too bad but then the partially hydrogenated soybean oil, I cringe just thinking of that stuff because if these soybeans come from the genetically altered soybeans, they make me very ill. I have eaten them by mistake abot 8 times already and I tell you, it is very painful. If a child or baby ever reacts to them like I do and they won't know what to do for them, I drink cold water, cold milk and ice cream, to treat it and it works) so far.

Then there is the monosodium glutamate(this stuff is also very bad, I get swollen lips, tongue, throat and hives when I eat that stuff),Oh there are more ingredients:cornsyrup solids, dried onion, sodium casinate, multicacid, spices, annatto extract, modified cornstarch, natural flavors (WOW) I wonder why? Artificial flavors, disodium inosinate, disodium guanylate. (Whatever those are, who knows)

I want a potato chip that tastes just like a thin sliced fried potato with some good ole sea salt on it. You know sea salt does not have that non-caling ingredient added to it and you know I have some sea salt in a jar that I have had for over a year and you know it has never caked anyway so why do they need a non caking junk, that isn't good for you, added to it.It doesn't make sense.

You may not think too much of this right now but if you ever start getting allergic to any of these ingredients that they add to our food, just remember me.

Please try my all natural cookbook: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, you may order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com or phone at 1-800-788-7654. www.books-a-million.com or www.BarnsandNoble.com or www.Abebooks.com or most book stores will order the book for you if you give them the name of the book and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

Things you do not want to hear in the operating room.

Oops!!
Has anyone seen my watch?
Better save that, we may need it for the autopsy.
Wait a minute, if that's the spleen, then what is that?
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?

Breadcrumbs- healthfood verses grocery store

2011-08-18T23:06:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Breadcrumbs from the healthfood store are made from organic wheat flour,water, evaporated cane juice, organic palm oil, sea salt and yeast. And they are good.

If you buy it at the supermarket, bread crumbs are made from enriched flour which is bleached, malted barley flour, niacin, ferous sulfate, diamonium nitrate, riboflavin, folic acid, high fructose corn syrup,( which is regular corn syrup and fructose that is chemically altered in a lab,) hydroginated vegetable oil, water, yeast, salt and brown sugar, honey which probably has been cut with high fructose corn syrup. Molasses, sugar, which is probably bleached, wheat gluten, whey, soy flour, which could be the soybean that has been genetically altered, anything that contains these genetically altered beans really make me very sick.

More ingredients: also may contain whole wheat flour, rye flour, corn flour, potato flour, butter, mono-and diglycerides, sodium, stearyl lactylate, calcium stearyl lactylate, sodium lecithin, calcium carbonate, ammonium sulfate, mono-calcium phosphate,WOW!! that scares me. Vinegar, nonfat milk, buttermilk, actic acid, cacium propionate,potassium sorbate, sesame seeds, salt, parsley flakes, spice, colors, onion powder, natural flavors, garlic and sugar. Some of these ingredients are ok.

This may contain partially good ingredients but so much of it isn't. I cannot eat anything with any amount of artificial or chemically altered ingredients. I have all kinds of skin irritations, my eyes burn and my stomach burns. Chemically altered soybeans causes me to have severe stomach pain. I just don't understand why they have to add all this crap to our food.

Now you understand why I wrote this all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. TO ORDER CALL: 1-800-788-7654. Email at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Also Books-a-million.com or BarnsandNoble.com or Abebooks.com or you may order from most book store, just give them the name of the book and the ISBN#

Laughter is healthy:

A veterinarian isn't feeling well and goes to the doctor. The doctor asks a few questions about the symptoms and how long she has had them, etc.
She interrupts him, " I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients a lot of questions. I can tell by looking at them what is the matter.Why can't you?"

The doctor nods, looks her up and down then writes out a prescription and hands it to her.
"There you are and if this doesn't work, we'll have to put you down."

the difference between organic and supermarket foods

2011-08-17T23:45:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I actually have friends who do not believe that there is a difference between organic and supermarket foods. You can buy organic pancake syrup at the health food store. Organic maple syrup is 100% raw, unprocessed, unfiltered maple syrup.

On the other hand if you go to the supermarket and you can find different brands of syrup and if you read the label it contains: Corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, water, celulose gum, caramel color, salt, sodium benzoate, ascorbic acid, artificial flavors, natural flavors and sodium pecsameta-phosphate.Just the thought of all those wierd things they put in that gives me the creeps.

It is best for you to eat all natural as much as you can. I have to eat all natural and mostly organic because I have so many allergies to all the additives they put in our food.

I would like you to try my all natural cookbook,GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN # 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone #1-800-788-7654. Also available at: www.books-a-million.com. www.Abebooks.com, www.BarnsandNoble.com. And most book stores will order it for you if you give them the name of the book and the ISBN#

Laughter is healthy:

A guy walks into the doctors office and the receptionist asks him what he has.
He says,"Shingles."

She takes his name, address, and medical insurance, and tells him to sit in the waiting room. A few minutes later the nurses aid comes and asks him what he has.
He again answers,"Shingles."
She takes his height and weight and medical history, then tells him to wait in the examining room.
Ten minutes later the nurse comes in and asks him what he has and he says,"Shingles."
She gives him a blood test, takes his blood preasure and an electrocardiogram, then tells him to take off his clothes and wait for the doctor.
Fifteen minutes later the doctor comes in and asks him what he has and he again says,"Shingles."
The doctor asks,"Where?"
The man answers,"In the truck. Where do you want them?"

just a joke

2011-08-16T23:00:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

A young fella applies for a job at an everything under one roof departmwnt store. His first day on the job kept him pretty busy but he got through it okay. After his boss had locked up for the night he asked the boy,"How did you do today? The boy answers, "Okay."

"How many customers did you have?"

The boy answers,"One."

"ONE? Most every employee has about 20 to 30 customers in a day."

"How much was the sale for?"

The kid answers," $101,237.65."

The boss is shocked and asks,"What the heck did you sell?"

The boy says,"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a large fishhook. Then I sold him a fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said,down the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went to the boat department and I sold him a nice boat."

"After he bought the boat his Honda wouldn't pull it so I took him to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said,"You mean the guy came in here for a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"

The kid said,"No, the guy came in here and wanted to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said,"Hey dude, your weekends shot-you might as well go fishing."

joke only tonight

2011-08-14T22:29:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy:

After 40 years of marriage I told my wife, "40 years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a small screen TV, but one thing good about that was, I got to sleep with a young and beautiful woman every night".

Now we have a house that is worth $450,000, a $35,000 car, a king size bed, a huge flat screen TV, but I am sleeping with a 63 year old woman; it seems your not holding up your end of the bargain.

Now my wife is a reasonable person. She just told me to go out and find me another 23 year old chick and she would make sure that I would once again live in a cheap house, drive a junk car, sleep on a sofa, and watch a small screen TV.

These older women sure know how to hurt a guy.

Sugar

2011-08-04T22:50:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I would never tell a diabetic to eat sugar, but if you do eat sugar, then use whole organic sugar. You will be surprised, and it's good. You will notice that it isn't pure white but the reason regular sugar is white is because it is bleached. Yes, they use a bleaching agent. The same with white flour. I use the unbleached flour and it works just the same as bleached flour. I have no idea why anyone would have to bleach flour or sugar. The only thing I can see is if you make lemonade or lemon meringue pie the unbleached sugar will give a different color and taste so you just use Xyilitol. Works wonderfully. Or you can use Stevia in the lemonade but not for the lemon pie because you have to use the measured amount and Stevia is very sweet so it wouldn't turn out right.

Please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone #1-800-788-7654. Also available at: Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Abebooks.com, etc. and most books stores will order it for you if you give them the title and the ISBN#

Laughter is healthy:

A pipe bursts in the doctors house and the plumber comes and fixes it, then hands the doctor a bill for $600 dollars.

"This is rediculous!I don't even make that much as a doctor."

The plumber answers,"Neither did I when I was a doctor."

--------------------------------------------------------
The doctor gets his car fixed and the mechanic hands him the bill. The doctor says,"WOW! This is several times more then I get for medical care."

"Yeah, doc, but you see, you are working on the same models all the time and we have to keep up to date with the new models every year."

ONE MORE------------------------------------------------------

"The doctor said he would have me back on my feet in two weeks."
"Well, did he?"
"Oh yea! He did,I had to sell my car to pay his bill."

Have you ever tried Colloidal silver?

2011-08-04T00:00:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I have used colloidal silver for many things. I have even drank it. I didn't turn blue though, I only take about a teaspoon 3 times a day. It's really good for most anything that ails you. Be sure to get the one that is drinkable, there are several kinds on the market; salves, lotions, different liquids and it is available at the health food stores.

Please try my all natural cookbook:GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. It's loaded with good healthy and tasty recipes.It is available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, www.Abebooks.com, www.barnsandNoble.com, www.books-a-million.com. You can also order from most bookstores by giving them you ISBN# and the title.

Laughter is healthy:

This little five year old boy was visiting his grandma and he was in the bedroom while she was tidying up and he asks her,"grandma, why don't you get a boyfriend being that grandpa died and went to heaven?"
"Oh, my TV is my boyfriend, it entertains me."
She turns the TV on and the reception is bad so she hit's the back of the TV and adjusts the button. A knock comes to the door and the boy runs to answer it. It's the preacher and he asks, "where is your grandma?"
He replies,"She's bangging her boyfriend in the bedroom."

burns

2011-07-28T00:00:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I know I told you about using banana peel and vinegar for burns: place a banana peel in a pint jar and pour enough apple cider vinegar over it to cover the peeling. Let stand for a couple of days and throw the peeling away; whenever you get a burn just put vinegar and banana solution on the burn and it takes the sting out, and helps it to heal.

Another one is to take an egg white and put it on the burn and keep it on there and repeat after awhile.

Please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0805962867. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone#1-800-788-7654. Also available at: books-a-million.com, abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com and others, you may also order from most bookstores by giving them the ISBN# and the title of the book.

Laughter is healthy:

A short history of medicine:

"Doctor, I have an earache."

2000 BC: "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC: "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD: "Prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD: "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD: "That pill is ineffective,take this antibiotic."
2000 AD: "That antibiotic is artificial. Here eat this root."

just a joke tonight

2011-07-25T23:30:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

An old man goes to his doctor with a misserable cold. The doctor prescribes a medicne but it didn't work. He returns to the doctor and the doctor gives him a shot.That didn't help either.

The guy returns to the doctor in a few days and the doctor says,"Go home and take a hot bath, as soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."

The guy says, "But doc, if I do that I will catch pneumonia."

"I know," says the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."

Are you a salt lover?

2011-07-24T23:30:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Well I am and I guess I got that from my dad who always salted everything until it was white. He never had high blood pressure, he was seldom sick, but he worked for the city and worked with the water treatment so I always figure that was how he got cancer, just being around all of those chemicals.

I use sea salt and I feel it is better for you. Of course if you have high blood pressure or other illnesses that can lead to high blood pressure, I know you have to listen to your doctor. But right now is a good time to switch to sea salt if you don't use it already. If you notice there are a lot of restaurants that have switched to sea salt. I use it all the time and my blood preassure runs pretty normal most of the time but I have more trouble with it being too low.

I have some great rescipes in my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK, ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, it contains easy to use recipes and of course they are good, some handed down my family for years. My great-grandma's soft sugar cookie recipe; that is real old but my favorite cookie. Most of the recipes are very simple but very good. It is available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone at: 1-800-788-7654, it also available at: Books-a-million.com, Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com. And most books will order a book for you if you give them the ISBN# and the name of the book.

Laughter is healthy:

A man goes to the doctor and the doctor does all kinds of tests on the man and sends him home to wait for a phone call as soon as he gets the results.

The guy gets tired of waiting by the phone so he decides to go to town to visit with his friends and when he gets back that night it was too late for any doctor to call. The next day the doctor calls and the guy answers the phone and the doctors says: "I have bad news and I have some very bad news."

"Well, tell me the bad news first."

"The lab called and said you have got just 24 hours to live."

" Twenty four hours. That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?"

"I have been trying to reach you since yesterday."

Allergies to food

2011-07-13T23:20:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Most people donot have the allergies to foods with chemicals as I have, but in some ways I feel lucky for the fact that I donot eat foods with chemicals added. Oh yes, I still eat some by accident or taking chances when I eat at weddings and other parties, you just don't know so you pick the food you feel is the safest and you hope that you will not get swollen lips from MSG or the horrible rash from HFCS. It is very hard for me because now I have to eat mostly organic foods or suffer the consiquences. I feel a little bit lucky for the fact that maybe I will never get cancer because I do not eat all of these chemicals that they put in our food and do you know that there are thousands of chemicals in our food. That's terrible.

Why not try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Phone # 1-800-788-7654. Order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com.Also available at: Amazonbooks.com, Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com. and others. You can order the book at most book stores by giving them the Title and the ISBN#. This book is good for people who have allergies to chemicals and also people who just want to eat all natural.

Laughter is healthy:

A man sees his doctor and after a thorough exam the doctor tells the guy that he wants to see his wife. When the wife comes to see the doctor he explains that her husband has a very serious heart condition and that he is to do no work, house work, lawn mowing, don't ask him to do the dishes or cleaning and cook his favorite foods and just pamper him and he should live quite a few yers yet.

When the woman got home the old fella asks,"Well, what did the doctor tell you about me?"
The wife replies,"You're gonna die."

stay away from mass produced packaging

2011-07-11T23:43:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you want to cleanse your system of all the chemicals you will have to eliminate processed foods. There sre thousands of chemicals in mass produced and packaged foods. If you want to eat processed foods it's better to stick with organic foods.

I have been taken by many wrongfully labeled processed foods. If it says fat free, that doesn't make it is healthy. I find that if it says, 'fat free'-'sugar free'-'Low Carbs'or light and healthy, you are better off not eating it because when they remove fats, sugars and carbs they have to replace the flavor that they removed when they took these ingredients out so then they add the chemical which is an artificial ingredient which can harm you.

I never thought I would ever be so allergic to all of these chemicals and believe me I suffer in many ways.

Please order my cookbook for a friend that needs to eat all natural. "GRANMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# is available at: 1-800-788-7654 or at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com. You can order from most bookstores if you give them the name of the book and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

In a Catholic hospital the doctor is readying a patient for surgery but his assistant, who happens to be a nun, has the hiccups. The doctor tries everything he can to help her get rid of her hiccups. Finally he tells the nun,"I got the results from your test and I find that you are pregnant."

The nun is hystericle and runs out of the operating room. Another male assistant comes in and asks the doctor,"What in the world did you do to the nun?"
"I just told her she was pregnant."
"A nun pregnant?"
"Of course she isn't but I bet she got rid of her hiccups."

vitamin E

2011-07-09T23:55:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are taking vitamin E be sure it's an all natural vitamin E because if it is a chemically altered vitamin E it can do more harm then good.

Please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0805962867. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com. Most book stores will order the book if you give them the name and the ISBN#.

A good Novel I would like you to read is UNDER OBLIGATION ISBN# 1587366010.Available at:www.wheatmark.com, Amazonbooks.com, Books-a-million.com,BarnsandNoble.com and other book stores will order if you give them the name of the book and the ISBN#

Laughter is healthy:

A proctologist gets tired of his job and decides on a new carear, so he goes back to school and becomes a garage mechanic. After struggling through the course he takes the exam and is amazed that he gets a 200%.

He just is stunned that he gets such a good score and he asks his instructor,"How was that possible?"

"Well," says the instructor, "I gave you 50 points for getting the engine rebuilt." Another fifty points because it ran, and the other 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."

have you ever used coconut oil?

2011-07-09T00:10:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I use coconut oil and I do like it, but I didn't realize how good it is for you until I just read an article on it. Now you have to use the unrefined, pure , organic, virgin coconut oil to get the best results. Take a tablespoonful in the morning and another later in the afternoon. They claim if you do this every day that it will lower your blood preassure,help circulation, help you lose weight, helps eliminate mood swings and depression, helps cure constipation, helps with arthritis pain,eliminates heartburn, and if you are over weight this will help you take off those pounds. I don't know about you but I will have to try this. I already fry eggs in it, pop corn with it so now I will have to try spooning it in.

Please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0805962867, by Teresa Thompson, Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, Abebooks.com, Amazonbooks.com, and others, if you want to order from another book store just take them the ISBN#.

Another book that is very interesting to read is: UNDER OBLIGATION,ISBN#1587366010.
It is available at: www.wheatmark.com, Amazonbooks.com, Abebooks.com and others. Most book stores will order the book you want by giving them the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

This guy goes to the doctor to get his wife's test results. When he gets there the doctor says," I have bad news for you, somehow your wife's blood test was mixed up with another Mrs. Smith so now we don't know if your wife has Alzheimers disease or Aids."
"That's terrible, but can't we just take another test?"
"Yes, we could but the test is expensive and your medical insurance will not pay for a second test."
"Well, what should I do now?"
"I suggest that you take your wife into town and drop her off and if she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

How important is breakfast?

2011-07-08T00:05:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Breakfast should be your best meal because, of course, you wake up hungry, your stomach is empty and you should think carefully what to eat that will get things working, so I would guess that fruits would be the best to start out with. Things like apples, oranges, grapefruit, pears, blueberries, apricots and make sure they are fresh. Any fresh organic meat, eggs, use sea salt and organic pepper. I would fry the eggs in coconut oil. I do use olive oil in making salads but olive oil changes when you heat it.Use organic butter, peppers, parsley, onions, mushrooms. I sort of stay away from breads because it's hard to know what is in it. I make sure it does not contain HFCS or as they call it now "Corn sugar."

Please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN #0-8059-6286-7, Available at www.dorrancepublishing.com or phone at:1-800-788-7654. Also available at:Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Most bookstores will order the book for you if you give them the name and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:
On the first day at the University, the Dean tells the students about the off limits and rules."The girls dorms are off limits to the guys, and the male dorms are off limits to the girls." Anyone breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second time and $150 the third time. Are there any questions?"

A male student raises his hand and asks,"How much for a season pass?"

Why Wimbledon Tennis Amazes and Engages Me

2011-07-08T00:02:00.000-04:00

Why Wimbledon Tennis Amazes and Engages Me

Eat for the health of it.

The only thing that is out of the ordinary in my life right now is that we have signed up to have windmills erected on our farms and some of our neighbors do not like it. Mostly it is neighboring towns that the people do not have land to put them on so they are fighting the project so we can not have them either. I never realized how nasty some people can be, they have gone as far as to threaten my sister-in-law, who has recently been widowed, with a bomb scare because her two sons have also signed up for them.

It's unbelievable for anyone to be so hateful and jealous. We need a new source of electricity and windmills are clean and safe and are surely better than a neuclear plant. These people are so ignorant that they think a neuclear plant is better.

http://grannycooks.blogspot.com

good and so funny story

2011-07-01T22:55:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I got this in my mailbox and it hit me really funny so am sending it on. I am leaving out names because, I don't like to use names unless I know they are made up.

My friend received a check for $1000.00 from the government, for not raising hogs. His friend wants to get a piece of the cake so he calls the Secretary of Agriculture to find out how to go into the business of not raising hogs. And what is the best breed of hogs not to raise. He wanted to make sure he would be keeping with all government policies.

He said,"As I see it, the hardest part of the, "NOT RAISING HOGS" program is keeping accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised."

My friend is very happy with the future of his business. He had been raising hogs for over 20 years. The best he ever made on a litter of pigs was less than $500, back in 1968, until this year when he made $1000.00 for not raising 50 hogs.

Now if I get $1000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000.00 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to start out on a small scale at first, holding myself to about 4000 hogs, not to raise the first year, which should net me about $80,000.00, then I can afford an airplane.

Now, another thing, these hogs will not be eating 100,000 bushel of corn so I won't be raising corn and I understand that the government will also pay me not to raise corn and wheat. Would I qualify for payments for not raising these crops I will not be feeding the hogs that I will not be raising?

I want to get started right away as this seems to be a good time of the year for "NOT RAISING HOGS" and "NOT PLANTING CROPS" business.

Another thing is, I am giving serious thought to "NOT MILKING COWS" business and would greatly appreciate any information on this subject.

In the view that I will be totally unemployed, I will be filing for unemployment and food stamps so I was wondering how long that process takes.

One more thing,you can count on my vote in the upcoming elections.

And please let me know when they will be giving out the free cheese again.

A happy citizen.

help your heart

2011-06-30T23:28:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Did you know that you shouldn't bolt out of bed in the morning? Well, I don't anyway, but I used to. Now they say that it is hard on your heart to get up fast. I'm glad I am doing the right thing now anyway.

I haven't plugged my book lately so maybe I ought to. I would like you to try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK (ISBN # 0805962867). Available at:www.dorrancepublishing.com,order by phone at:(1-800-788-7654)or at: www.Amazonbooks.com, www.Books-a-million.com, or most book stores will order a book for you if you give them the name and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

Three elderly men were in the doctors for a memory test.

The doctor asks the first man,"What is three times three?"

The guy answers,"Two hundred and seventy four."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks at the ceiling, then he asks the second old fellow,"What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head and asks the third guy,"What is three times three?"
The third man answers,"Nine."
"That's great!" says the doctor,"How did you get that?"
"Simple," says the man, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

I know it's bad but it's late.

just a joke tonight

2011-06-29T23:31:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly exam and the doctor tells the guy that he needs a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.

The old man was hard of hearing so he asks his wife,"What? What did he say? What does he want?"

The wife answers, "He needs your underware."

just a joke tonight

2011-06-28T00:24:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Jacob, age 92, asks Rebecca,age 89, to marry him. They are strolling down the street, talking and making plans for their wedding. On the way they come to a drugstore and Jacob suggests that they go into the drugstore.

The guy behind the counter asks,"May I help you?"

Jacob asks,"Are you the owner?"

"Yes."

Jacob asks the pharmacist, "Do you sell heart medicine?"

"Of course we do." He answers.

"How about medicine for circulation?"

"Of course."

Jacob asks,"How about medicine for rheumatism, hemrrhoids, memory, arthritis, Alzheimers?"

The pharmacist continues to answer yes to everything.

Jacob keeps asking ,"What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, and antidotes for Parkinson's dissease?"

"Absolutely."

"What about heartburn and indigestion?"

"Yes we do."

"What about wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"
"All speeds and sizes."
"How about adult diapers."
"We sure do.Why do you ask?"
"Well, we are getting married and we would like to use your store as the Wedding Registry."

about the boy who died at the zoo

2011-06-26T23:57:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I really do not know who to contact with this information but I have been very concerned about the boy who died at the zoo in Toledo,Ohio. He had an enlarged heart that no-one knew about but rarely people die from an enlarged heart especially when he had no symptoms before that. I did an article a few days ago about soy products and it made me wonder if by any chance that this boy had eaten cereal with soy products in it, and if the cereal he ate had the genetically altered soy beans in it and if he was allergic to these soybeans, could it be that these were the cause of his death? We probably will never know but I hope parents will check all cereal boxes to see if they have soybeans or soy products added to them. You can buy the all natural cereals but make sure there are no soybeans in it or soy products. Yes! Even the all natural cereal may contain genetically altered soybeans.

I know that all soy products may not be made from the genetically altered beans but can we play Russian Ruolette with our lives? I know when I ate those darn altered beans I was in severe pain and this has happened to me several times, so now I check to see if anything I am about to eat has soy products in it. I have to check for MSG, Aspartame,Chlorine or bleaching agents, HFCS,etc.I can't take generic medicines, and now soy products and soy is in a lot of food. I am now eating all natural or Organic foods but I still have to watch for soy products.

When are they going to stop poisoning our food? They are not supposed to use the altered beans for human consumption. They are for manufacturing purposes only. I said right from the start, what is going to stop them from using those altered beans in our food and yep! That's what they are doing. I am angry and I have a right to be angry. I have to ask at weddings and other get together's "do you use any of these chemicals?" They look at you like you were some kind of an idiot and some have even asked me why I try to eat out. I travel and it is hard to find a place that has all natural foods. Even the lettuce in the bag has MSG on it and at a restaurant that I ate at recently told me they don't have MSG in the packaged lettuce so I ate it and I barely got home and my skin itched from my wrists and arms; up into my scalp, my eyes and face, neck and ears. Even after taking my benadryl I didn't stop itching until 4:00 in the morning.

I suppose that nothing will be done about this but I am hoping that parents will watch for cereal with soy products in it and I think you will only find it in the all natural section but watch for soy in there too. write the company and tell them to make sure that there is not any genetically altered beans in the cereal.

just a joke tonight

2011-06-19T23:55:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Two guys are hunting and they are dragging their dead deer back to their pickup truck. Another hunter comes along pulling his dead deer along and he comments to the other two hunters,"Hey,I don't want to tell you guys that you are doing it wrong but if you drag that deer in the other direction, the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After a brief rest the two hunters drag the deer along and after awhile the one hunter says to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier."

The other responded,"Yes, but we are getting farther away from the truck."

How to care for those aching feet

2011-06-17T22:49:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are a mailman or mail lady after a day of delivering mail you may want to elevate them. Soak them in a tub of very warm water with a few tablespoons of epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar.

If you have a lot of tea bags and you want to use them up before they get too old just steep 4 bags in some hot water and add them to your foot soaking water.

Massaging the feet is also revitalizing, or better yet if you can get your spouse to do it for you and take turns.

Try sitting on a chair and point your toes down as far as you can. Circle your feet around in circles both ways.

Try rolling your bare feet on a ball for awhile.

It's always best for everything if you eat healthy too. Try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com, Amazonbooks.com. You can ask any book store if they will order it for you if you give them the title and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

I may have told this one before but I thought it was really funny and worth a repeat:

This old man is ice fishing and after an hour or so has caught nothing. He is sitting on his camp stool by the hole waiting for a nibble when a young boy comes and makes a hole in the ice next to the old man. The young fella puts his fishing line in the hole and in no time he has a fish. The old man watches as the boy repeats this over and over. The old man finally asks the boy what he is using to have such good luck.
The boy responds, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
The old man says, "I can't understand a thing you are saying."
Again the boy responds,"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
The old man says again,"I can't understand you."
The boy spits in his hand and says,"You have to keep the worms warm!"

got a sore throat?

2011-06-08T23:34:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Take a teaspoon of sea salt and stir it into a glass of warm water. Do this as often as you feel necessary but don't swallow it. I probably don't have to tell you this but I want to make sure you don't. I use sea salt for everything. I feel it is much better for you.

Please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK, ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: Books-a-million.com, Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com. Most book stores will order any book that you have a name and ISBN# number for.

Another book you may want to read is: Under Obligation, ISBN#158736-601-0. You may order at:www.wheatmark.com. A very good novel, and it is baste on a true story.

Laughter is healthy:

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent a boat, equipment: rods and reals, wading suits and, of course, the cottage and the car. They spend a small fortune, but they are having fun.
The first day they get up early and go fishing all day. They don't catch a thing. On the second day they go out a little later and they fish most of the day and don't catch any fish so they go back to the cottage. This goes on for a couple more days.They are about to give up and the day before they leave for home, they catch a fish.
As they head for home the driver looks at his friend and says,"You know, this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1500."
The other guy says, "Wow!It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

just a joke tonight

2011-06-07T23:30:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy:

Two hunters go moose hunting every winter without success. They come up with a foolproof plan. They buy some very female looking moose outfits and they decide to wear them when they go hunting. "We will give the female moose call to lure him over here, then get out of our costumes and shoot him." They practice the moose call of the female moose. They don the costumes and wait for the male moose and give him the female moose love-call. Before long the male moose comes crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull is close enough the guy in front says,"Okay, let's get him."

After a moment that seems like forever, the guy in the back says," The zipper is stuck, now what are we going to do?"

"I'm climbing the tree, but you better brace yourself."

athletes foot

2011-06-05T00:08:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I don't have athletes foot but I am sure someone out there has and I came accross this article and decided to pass it on. Simply use Oil of Oregano. Apply it liberally on the afected area,and between the toes, but don't expect an over night cure; you might have to use it for awhile before it heals. After all how long have you had it?

Be sure to try my all natural cookbook,GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7.Phone 1-800-788-7654.Also available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com, and most bookstores you can ask them to order it if you give them the title and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A man hunting bear for the first time and not having any luck but would meet other hunters and they always had a bear and a story behind it. So he humbles himself to ask for their secret.
The hunter would tell a fantastic tale of how he got his bear."I just go over there and I yell into one of those holes in the mountain and out comes the bear and I shoot him."
"I'll try that says the hunter."
The next day, the first hunter comes out of the woods with a bear skin and comes accross the the guy he had talked to the day before. The guy is crawling on his hands and knees, covered with blood and missing a leg.
"What happened to you man?"
" I did what you told me to do.I went to the hole. I started shouting and swearing at the bear and guess what happened?"
"What?"
"A bloody train same out."

What about this weather?

2011-06-02T22:41:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

This weather is nasty. We had a main electric pole blown down earlier and we were without electricity for several days and then a week ago we had another storm and it blew a big tree down and we were without electricity again for a couple of days. I wonder whats next and when.

One day a hunter was out in the middle of a forest when he comes upon a huge bear. He turns and runs trying to stay out of reach of the bear. He suddenly comes to the edge of a cliff and he falls on his knees and prays,"Dear Lord, please give this bear some religion!"

The sky darkens and lightening fills the air. A few feet away from the hunter, the bear comes to an abrupt stop, he glanses around a bit confused.

Suddenly the bear looks up to the sky, kneels and says,"Thank you Lord, for this food I am about to receive."

Soy products

2011-06-01T22:39:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Want a good cookbook? All natural, with the best easy recipes? Then you need a copy of my All natural cookbook: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone at: 1-800-788-7654, Abebooks.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com, and most book stores will order it for you if you give them the title and ISBN#.

I recently realized that they are mixing the genetically altered soybeans with the edible soybeans and I really got sick on them. I am just really concerned about babies getting this in their little tummies because I tell you it is very painful. I ate some cereal with genetically altered beans and the pains were so severe that I was about to wake my husband up to take me to the hospital. I also got sick with the same reaction from canned soup with soy from the genetically altered soybeans. I ate at a Chinese restaurant that I have eaten at for years and I got sick. They apparently got in a new batch of soy sauce and I had the same reaction.It can be in anything that has soy products in it. I also ate at an Italian restaurant and I had the same reaction. I have to ask at restaurants if they use MSG, HFCS, and others and now I have to watch for Soy products. It's hardly worth eating out anymore. I just worry about the tiny ones that can eat it.

Laughter is healthy:

Four farmers are sitting at a table in a bar. At a table next to them sits a young lady taking in every the guys are saying. The first man says,"I think it's woomb."

The second guy says,"No, it must be woooombh."
The third guy says,"You are both wrong- it's wooom."
The fourth guy says,"No, it has to be wooommbbb."

The girl could no longer stand it and she walks over to their table and says, "Look, you hayseeds, it's womb. That's it, that's all there is to it."

After she leaves, the farmers all look at each other and one pipes up and says,""Well, I don't know. A slip of a girl like that, I don't know how she could know that, I just don't know how she could know. I'll bet she has never heard an elephant fart."

impetigo

2011-05-30T22:32:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I remember this stuff because I had it when I was a child and I felt like a leper. Noone wanted to play with me. I remember my mother using some kind of salve on me but what it was, I sure do not know. I ran accross this information that you might just need some day. If your child has sores and you think they are impetigo or even some other skin sores, I am sure this would work for numerous sores.

Try soaking the top crust with a good soap, like Dial and preferably distilled water. Take a gauze and wet it with the water and put a little soap on it and place it on the scabs or sores to soften them. Gently remove. Apply hydrogen peroxide with a cotton tip then use Neosporin or other antibiotic.

You can switch to echinatia after a few days. Take the echinatia capsul and mix it with Vaseline and put it on the sores. You don't want it to dry out too much or it will crack and be sore all over again.

Please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7, phone # 1-800-788-7654 Please order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Also available at:Abebooks.com,

I would also like you to try Under Obligation, by Trishianna Rose Roberts at: www.wheatmark.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Two old geesers went to a brothal. They went in side and tells the madam that they would each like a girl for awhile.

The madam thinks to herself,"I am not wasting my beautiful girls on those old geesers, I'll just give them some blowup dolls and they won't know the difference."
The madam set them up in a room with the blowup dolls and she leaves the room.

Awhile later as they are going home the first guy says."I think my girl was dead."

"Why?"

"She never made a move or said anything."

His friend says,"I think mine was a witch."

"Why?"

Well, as we were making love, I bit her on the neck and then I gave her a little bite on the hiney; she passed gas and flew out the window- took my teeth with her."

How to find out what you are allergic to

2011-05-28T23:58:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are itching and think you are allergic to something; here is what you can do.

Keep in mind that you can be allergic to only one thing or a whole lot of things. If you have hives and itching or your tongue swells up and maybe your lips,or cramps and diarhia, I can tell you that you are probably allergic to MSG (monosodium glutamate). Maybe you are itching all over(with a rash or hives or just itching skin)That can be any number of things. It will also make a difference if you are allergic to laundry soap, some people are allergic to the sun, others are allergic to carpeting in their house or freshly painted walls, perfume, all kinds of things and regardless you will have to go through sometime of study to find out what it is you are allergic to.
Usually you can detect things that you just got new in your house and figure that out, but when you start out like I did. First it was MSG, of course I had the signs, like swollen lips, tongue etc. and when I went to the hospital they new right away what it was.
I was drinking a diet drink and all of a sudden I was itching on my arms. I read the ingredients and it contained aspartame, so I naturally quit drinking that stuff. High fructose corn syrup made me break out under my arms, breasts and groin area with a horribly painful itch.
Cereal that contains soy products gives me a painful stomach and abdomin. (It is from the genetically altered soybeans that are not edible but they are being mixed in with the edible beans somewhere along the line of process. The genetically altered beans are for manufacturing purposes only. So I can't trust eating soy products and they are putting it in almost everything.
If you are bothered with any of these abnormal feelings, itching,headaches, your eyes can itch, your arms, palms, feet, almost any place on your body. Believe me, I have been through it all. This last ,I am hoping the last, my stomach burned, my elbows and around that area was itching like crazy. I had to remember what I had eaten in the past few days that was processed and I could hardly believe it but it happened to be milk and milk products. I found out that milk has several things added to it in the processing that apparently is not good for you and I am allergic to it. So I can't have cream in my coffee or milk on my cereal or butter on my bread. Well I thought I couldn't but then someone mentioned that some of the grocery stores are carrying Organic foods so I am now buying organic foods.
I have used unbleached flour and sugar for quite some time; now the organic food that costs almost twice the price of regular, but I don't buy junk food. They do have all natural sodas and just about anything you want to eat.
I just want to help anyone out there that may be having an itchy problem and you don't know where to start. You have to go through the process of elimination.
If you don't know this; white flour and white sugar has a bleaching agent in it. (you can buy unbleached)-Drink only mineral or spring water. Eat only fresh fruits and vegetables. Eat fresh meats and fish. Use sea salt. No white vinegar, use apple cider vinegar. Stay away from condiments until you find out what you are allergic to. (catsup has HFCS in it) (Mayonaise has soy in it)If you have cleared up by one or maybe two weeks, then start adding only one food at a time per day to see if you have a reaction. You may want to try an enema too, to clean yourself out good before eating the foods again. Be sure to watch for any sign of a reaction when you go back to regular foods because that is the only way you will know what you are allergic to.
One more thing too is that the meats have a lot of things in it that the animals eat and you might want to go organic on that too.

Sorry no jokes tonight because it is morning already and I want to go to bed. Good night and good luck!

Just remember my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7 Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com Phone # 1-800-788-7654.

More about the recluse spider

2011-05-27T23:20:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Upon reading more on the recluse spider I ran accross an item where a young couple were cleaning an area and she was bitten by a spider but at first was not aware that it was a recluse. Later he was bitten by a spider when he tried to kill it. He thought it looked like a recluse and they had read somewhere to put colloidal silver on bites etc. and so they did.She had used something else but then also used the colloidal silver. Because she hadn't put the colloidal silver right away she had some reaction but he used it right away and had hardly any reaction. So it's good to keep this colloidal silver on hand, you never know when something might bite you.

Try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone# 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Abebooks.com, and most book stores will order the book for you if you give them the name and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A man and woman were on a train; they did not know each other but were assigned to the same sleeping room. Although they were a little embarrassed they made light of the situation and fell asleep...he in the upper bunk and she was in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over the edge of the upper bunk and gently woke the woman, saying,"Ma'am, sorry to bother you, but could you please hand me a blanket from the closet?I am really cold."

She replies."I have a better idea, let's pretend we are married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" He exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own darn blanket."

recluse spider

2011-05-23T23:40:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I don't know if I have ever seen a live recluse spider but I am sure I don't want to. If one bites you the venom they shoot in you is deadly and if not taken care of right away it can kill you. All I know is they are a skinney legged, brown colored spider. They like dark places so when clearing an attic or moving a wood pile be very careful.I would suggest spraying the whole wood pile with a good insect killer. Check to make sure it kills spiders. Use an insect bomb to kill them in the attic. They also like dark places so if you are cleaning the attic turn a bright light on in there for at least an hour before you start but if you are cleaning and moving things around it's best to use the insect bomb too.

I would like you to try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7 by Teresa Thompson. I wrote this book because of the allergies I have to the chemicals they put in our food. I thought maybe others are suffering too and would like this book of really delicious recipes and would also help with your allergies. It is available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone# 1-800-788-7654.Also available at: Amazonbooks.com, Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com and BarnesandNoble.com. Most book stores will order for you if you give them the Title and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

Bush and Cheney go out for brunch. The waitress come to take their order and Cheney looks at the menu and tells her that he would like the prime rib with all the trimmings. She asks Bush what he would like and he says,"I'll have a quickie." The waitress storms off,shouting over her shoulder,"I thought all of this behavior would stop since you are president." Bush sits there looking confused and Cheney says,'Uh, Mr.President, that's pronounced "quiche".'

have nerve pain?

2011-05-21T23:33:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are having sciatic or nerve pain, try using tea tree oil and rub it on the spot for several minutes. You can also try peppermint oil or melaleuca oil.

For good all natural food that helps with any ailment try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone # 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: Books-a-million.com, Abebooks.com, BarnesandNoble.com. Most book stores will order it in if you give them the title and ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

Two tourists are driving through Louisiana. As they arrive at the Natchitoches, they begin to argue about the pronunciation of the town. They were still arguing about the pronunciation as they stopped for lunch. As they stand in line at the counter, the one tourist asks the blonde employee, "Before we order could you please pronounce the name of this place very slowly?"

The blonde leans over the counter and says,"Burrrr, gerrrr, Kiiiing."

leg cramps

2011-05-20T23:50:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Did you ever wake up in the night with horrible leg cramps? WOW!! I have and I would jump out of that bed as fast as I could and press my heels on the floor and get a hold of my toes and pull them up or just press my heal into the floor. That worked pretty good for me until I read where you should place a bar of soap (don't laugh)Place the bar of soap under the fitted sheet so it is in the area below the knees, when you lie down. I have been doing this for years and it works. I can't understand how it does but I don't care as long as it works. I place a fresh bar in there every few months. One time I started to get cramps again and I found out that the bar of soap slipped out and it was under the bed, as soon as I replaced it it started working again.

Please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. They are all natural recipes, the way it should be. Phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Or order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Available at: www.Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com or most bookstores will order for you if you give them the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A couple in their mid sixties were celebrating their 40th anniversary in a small romantic restaurant when a tiny fairy appeared and she gave each a wish. The wife went first and said,"I wish for a romantic cruise vacation with my husband.

The fairy then asks the husband,"What is your wish?" The husband then says, "Sorry dear but my wish is for a wife thirty years younger than me." The fairy is stunned and the wife looks at her husband with pure dissapointment. The fairy thinks, 'well, a wish is a wish.' The fairy waves her majic wand and POOF! the husband is suddenly 95 years old. Men- remember that fairies are females.

yawning

2011-05-16T23:57:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Do you get those days when all you want to do is yawn? Take a slice of green bell pepper and place it in your mouth and just suck on it. another thing is a piece of raw potato. Hey it's worth a try.

Remember GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, Available at www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone # 1-800-788-7654. Also at Books-a-million.com, Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com. Most book stores will order if you have the name and the ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7.

Laughter is healthy:

A young lad visits his uncle on the farm and his uncle shows him all the usual things that he felt would interest the lad and he noticed that he was getting bored and he decided that maybe he would like to go hunting so he hands the kid a gun and says,"Here, take the gun and the dogs and go shooting."
This seems to to cheer the boy and he is gone for a few hours and returns back to the house and goes inside. The uncle asks,"How did you like that?"
The boy answers," That was great, do you have any more dogs?"

That's a bad one.

how to get rid of warts

2011-05-16T00:04:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Have you ever had warts? Do you still have them and want to get rid of them? Take a banana peel and place the inside of the skin on the wart and tape it and change it with fresh every 12 to 14 hours. It may take several weeks but if you can get them off without cutting them off, would be worth the try.

Please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7.Available by phone 1-800-788-7654 or at:www.dorrancepublishing.com. Also at: Amazonbooks.com, Books-a-million.com, Abebooks.com, and they can be ordered from any bookstore with the ISBN#1-8059-6286-7.

Laughter is healthy:

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, shirt and suspenders.

The salesman asks,"What on earth is that all about?"

The farmer says,"We had a fire in the coop a few weeks back and singed all his feathers off and my wife made him some clthes to keep him warm."

"Okay, but that was two months ago. Why is he still wearing them?"

The farmer replies."There ain't nothing funnier than watching him trying to get his pants down and hold down the hen at the same time."

vomiting

2011-05-12T00:10:00.000-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Although vomiting is a natural way of ridding the stomach of contents that is making you sick, you don't want to repeatedly vomit because it rids your stomach of it's natural juices. Try drinking juices from pears, quava, mango and papaya. These fruits will soothe the stomach. Avoid acidy fruits like,oranges, grapefruit, pineapple and cherry.

If you are looking for a good healthy cookbook please try GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone at: 1-800-788-7654 or at: Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com, Amazonbooks.com, and most bookstores will order it in for you, if you give them the name of the book and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A blonde,brunette and a redhead are competing in the English Channel Breast Stroke Competition. The redhead wins and the brunette comes in second. There is no sign of the Blonde. Hours go by and still no blonde. Everyone is concerned what has happened to her. All hope for the blonde is gone. Suddenly she appears and the crowd is cheering her on to the finish. They embrace the blonde as she steps on shore. After the excitement dies down the blonde leans over to the judges and whispers,"I hate to sound like a sore loser but those girls were using their arms."

food allergies

2011-05-10T23:49:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I am allergic to most of the chemicals that they put in our food and recently I was stumped as to what I could be allergic to now and I was rummaging through some info and I read where a doctor had sent cows blood for allergy diagnoses. When the results came back it stated that the patient was allergic to 22 of the 187 substances tested,and they said that the patient should not drink cows milk. WOW!!

When I read this I thought to myself,(I could be allergic to cows milk because I am very careful what I eat but one thing I haven't given up is 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee and cereal. I have been itching and I couldn't figure out what it was, so now I have to give up my 1/2 and 1/2 or at least until I see if this itching and pain goes away.Anyone that has allergies knows what I am talking about. I am almost to the point right now where I think I will have to buy all of my food from the health food store. And then I wonder if it really is all natural. Last year when I was in a healthfood store. Although, I bought some chocolate covered jelly rings and I knew my mother liked them so I bought them and of course I had to test them to make sure they were good and I ate more than just a test portion and the next day I was itching so the next time I went into that store I asked about the candy, if it had HFCS in it and the girl that was there said she would check it out. I didn't have to ask because when I went back there, there wasn't any of that candy in there and I never saw it after that.
Now if I find out that I am allergic to cows milk I will have to check it out if the milk is safe from the health food store. I sure hope so, because I love cream in my coffee.I think they buy their milk from cows that are free range, like it should be.

You can see why I wrote this all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACKE TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7 Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone at: 1-800-788-7654, also at: Books-a-million.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Amazonbooks.com and Abebooks.com. You can order at most book stores if you give them the title of the book and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A drunk staggers into the bar but the bartender refuses to serve him. Five minutes later the drunk comes staggering in again. The bartender again says,"I am not serving you anything to drink, you have had too much already."
Five minutes later he's back again and the bartender stays firm and says, "I am not serving you any drinks, you are too drunk already."
The drunk says,"I guess I must be drunk, you're the third place in a row that told me that."
It's bad but thats all I had.

rice broth for diarrhea?

2011-05-09T23:10:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you experience diarrhea and want a quick response, try cooking 1 cup of hard white rice (not the processed kind) in 7-8 cups of water for 15 minutes. Drain the water into a container and save the rice for a later meal. Drink 2 cups of the rice water (when cool enough) if your diarrhea does not stop in two hours try another 2 cups of the rice water. It should stop.

If you or someone you know has allergy problems with all the chemicals they put in our food, please try my all natural cookbook,GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. This book can help you if you are allergic to these chemicals or if you just want to eat healthy. It's a great gift for anyone that wants to eat healthy and eat some good home cooking.

Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, or by phone at:1-800-788-7654.

www.BarnesandNoble.com or www.Books-a-million.com or

A very good novel you may enjoy is: Under Obligation available at: www.wheatmark.com

Laughter is healthy:

A fella is outside on the patio bar enjoying a drink when a nun walks up and begins to lecture him on the evils of alcohol.

"How do you know that alcohol is evil?" asks the man. "Have you ever tasted it?"

"Of course not,"answered the nun.

"Then let me buy you a drink and,afterwards, if you still believe it's so evil, I promise I will never taste another drink."

"But I can't possibly be seen drinking," says the nun.

"Right. Well, I'll get the bartender to put it in a teacup."

The man goes inside and tells the bartender to give him a beer and a vodka.
"And would you please put that vodka in a tea cup?"

The bartender say,"Oh no.It's not that nun out there again,is it?"

Fish oil

2011-05-06T23:45:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Fish oil is one of the best supplements you can take. It's good for so many things like: Wrinkles, arthritis, heart disease, high blood preasure. Get a good brand of Omega three Fish oil and give it a try. If you want to eat your omega three, try eating: Tuna, salmon, mackeral, sardines, and anchovies.

Please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, phone number, 1-800-788-7654. Available at other books stores also.

Laughter is healthy:

A six year old boy tells his teacher every day that he is going to have a baby brother or sister. One day his mother let him feel the baby moving. The teacher noticed that he suddenly stops talking about the baby. Finally one day she asks him why he isn't talking about the baby anymore. He tells the teacher, "I think my mommy ate it."

athletes foot and toenail fungus

2011-05-04T23:53:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you have athletes foot or a toenail fungus, try soaking your foot in a bucket of very warm water with a 1/2 cup epsom salt and a half cup of apple cider vinegar, soak for at least a half hour. After soaking, take an old tooth brush or other type brush and scrub the infection from under the toenail and soak awhile longer. Do this as long as it is necessary to clean that buildup under the nails.It can take a few weeks. Oil of oregeano is good too.

Don't forget my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.Dorrancepublishing.com. Phone number 1-800-788-7654. Or you may order at: www.books-a-million.com, www.barnesandNoble.com. You can order it in at any bookstore if you give them the name and the ISBN#.

Laughter is healthy:

A man and his wife goes to see the doctor and he tells the old man,"I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man,being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and asks, "What did he say? What does he want?"

The wife yells back,"He needs your underware."

Hives

2011-04-24T23:49:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Believe me I can relate to hives. I am allergic to all of those darn chemicals they put in our food and if it isn't 5% of the product they don't have to list it so I get hives a lot. Cream or milk will soothe the itching and pain. You can use buttermilk, whole milk, cream, half and half and even goats milk.

If you would like to learn how to eat all natural, try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7.
You may order by phone at: 1-800-788-7654 or at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Amazonbooks.com, Kindlebook, Abebooks.com and Books-a-million.com.

If you are looking for a good novel to read, try "Under Obligation" by Trishianna Rose Roberts, ISBN#1-58736-601-0.Available at: www.wheatmark.com, Abebooks.com, Amazonbooks.com. And(Books-a-million.com, BarnesandNoble.com.#978-1587366010)

Laughter is healthy:

An older man was sitting at the snack bar in a restaurant when three motor cycle riders came in and the first one stands next to him and pushes his cigarette into his pie; walks away and sits a few seats down from him at the counter. A second cycler walks up to the old man and spits in his milk and takes a seat at the counter by his buddy. The third cycler comes up to the old man and turns his plate upside down on the counter and joins the other two.

Without a word the older fella gets up, pays his bill and leaves the restaurant.

The three cyclers are laughing and having fun with their mischief. One of the guys said to the waitress,"That guy wasn't much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replies," Not much of a truckdriver either, he just backed his big rig over three motorcycles."

Dandelions

2011-04-23T23:47:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Maybe those old dandelions were put on this earth for a good reason. I figure anything is worth the try. An herbalist took three tablespoons of cut up fresh yellow blossoms and blended them with 8 ounces of green vegetable juice or tomato or carrot juice, this was to cure color blindness. I am not color blind but my husband is and I doubt it if I will get him to try this, all he wants to do is spray them and kill them. But this may help someone else.

I am still selling my all natural cookbook if you want to cook all natural instead of all those nasty chemicals they are putting in the processed foods. GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Order at:www.dorrancepublishing.com or call at: 1-800-788-7654. You may also order at: Books-a-million.com or BarnsandNoble.com and amazonbooks.com.

Laughter is healthy:

The teacher asks the third grade class,"Can anyone tell a story and give the moral of the story?" After explaining the moral of the story, little Suzie raises her hand.

"I live on a farm and one of the hens laid 12 eggs and we were excited to have 12 new chicks but only 6 of them hatched."

The teacher said,"That's great; now what is the moral of your story?"

Suzie answers,"Never count your chickens before they are hatched."

"Very good,anyone else?"

Johnnie says,"I was carrying some eggs in the basket on my bike that I bought for my mom and I dropped them and all the eggs broke."

"That's nice now tell the moral."

"Don't put your eggs all in one basket."

"Very good."

Joey stands up and says," My aunt Karrie is in the army and she was in the Gulf War, she parachuted down with only a gun, twenty bullets, a knife, and a six pack of beer. On the way down she drank the six pack. When she landed she shot twenty Iraquis and killed ten of them with her knife."

"Very good Joey,what is the moral of your story?"

"Don't mess with Aunt Karen when she's drunk."

Colon Cancer

2011-04-22T00:31:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I wish I had known this years ago when my dad died from colon cancer. They claim that garlic is good to get rid of colon cancer even the supplement Kyolic works as well. I am surely going to eat more garlic. And I also heard recently that if you drink a glass of milk after eating the garlic you won't have the garlic breath. Hey it's worth a try.

Don't forget my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: 1-800-788-7654 or www.dorrancepublishing.com. Also Books-a-million.com, BarnesandNoble.com and also Bassettes Healthfood store on Secor road between Sylvania Ave, and Executive Parkway in Toledo, Ohio.

Laughter is Healthy:

This young lady went to confession and told the priest, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."
The priest said,"Confess your sins."

The young woman said,"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought for awhile and said, "I want you to go home and Squeeze three lemons into a glass and drink it."
The lady asked,"Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest answered,"No, but it will take that smile off your face."

a little add and a joke only,tonight

2011-04-09T00:56:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

My book: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, call at: 1-800-788-7654. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, www.books-a-million.com, www.BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Sister Maryann worked for a home health care and as she was making her rounds she ran out of gas. She walked to the gas station a block away and asked to borrow a gas can and she would buy the gas and take it to her car and return the gas can when she came back to fill up.

The attendand told her that he had already lent it out and that she could use it when he returned.

Sister Maryann told him that she would check her car and see if she had anything in there to get gas in. She returned with a bedpan and asked the attendant to put enough in the pan to get her car started and she would be back to get more gas.

While sister Maryann was pouring the gas in the tank, two guys accross the street, who were baptists, looked at each other and the one said, "If that car starts, I'm turning Catholic."

jet leg

2011-04-08T00:25:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I have often heard of people complaining about jet lag. I have never experienced that but I read where they suggest that you not drink any caffeinated beverages or soda pop at least two hours before returning home from your flight.

Remember my book, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. You may order at: 1-800-788-7654, You may purchase it at: www.dorrancepublishing.com,www.Books-a-million.com, www.Barnesand Noble.com and www.amazonbooks.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Hung Chow calls his boss to tell him that he is sick and cannot come to work.

His boss says,"I need you today, when I don't feel good I tell my wife, I need sex and everything is better."

2 Hours later, Hung Chow calls his boss and leaves a message,"I do what you say-I be at work soon- you have a nice house."

Burns

2011-04-06T00:22:00.002-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

I use the banana peel and vinegar and hopfully I never get burned but if I do I think I will try this one. They claim it really works. I wanted to test it but I didn't feel like burning myself.

Keep some white flour in the refrigerator and if you burn yourself, like on the hand, put your hand right in the bag of white flour and leave it on there for awhile then wash it off. Even your tongue, do the same thing. And you know how many times you can burn your tonue on that hot coffee or tea.

Sorry no joke tonight gotta go to bed.

vomiting

2011-03-26T23:51:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Although it is natures way of ridding the stomach of things that can make your body sick, vomiting a lot isn't good for you either. Some people love food so much that they stuff themselves and think nothing of forcing themselves to vomit. This rids your stomach of good natural juices that help with digestion. If you do get sick and you do vomit try drinking juice from pears, guava, mango and papaya or the ripe fruits but stay away from citrus fruits and juices.

Please try my all natural cookbook to keep yourself healthy. GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com,Phone Number 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: www.BarnsandNoble.com, www.Abebooks.com, www.Amazonbooks.com and www.books-a-million.com. If you or any family member has allergies, this is a good book to tell you how to cook without those nasty chemicals.

Laughter is healthy:

If you don't laugh at this, you better see the doctor.

Ethel was in the nursing home and was a real demon with her wheel chair.She would go at top speed up and down the halls, and because the woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the others around tolerated her.
One day Ethel was speeding in the one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out and streched his arm out and said,"STOP." and then asked,"Do you have a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her purse and came out with a Kit Kat wrapper.
"OK" he said.

Ethel continued down the hall and weird Harold popped out in front of her and said,"Stop! Do you have proof of insurance?"

Ethel quickly searched her purse again and pulled out a drink coaster.

Harold nodded and said,"On your way Ma'am."
As Ethel reached the corner, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked and holding 'You-Know-What' in his hand and Ethel said,"Oh, good grief, not that Breathalyzer test again!!!"

Now if that didn't make you laugh, you better check into a morgue.

Impotence or erection problems

2011-03-22T00:07:00.004-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you have this problem, try a bottle of warm beer with a pinch of cayenne pepper or ginger root powder added to it. It's worth a try.

Try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Or at: www.dorrancepublishing.com or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also at Books-a-million.com or Amazon.com or BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Two men go bear hunting. One stays in the cabin and the other decides to do a little hunting. He finds a huge bear and shoots at him but only wounds him. He drops his rifle and runs. He is doing a good job of staying ahead of the bear but he can hear him getting closer and closer. Just as he reaches the cabin door, he trips and falls and the bear is so close behind him that he trips and falls over the guy and rolls into the cabin.

The man jumps up, closes the door and says,"You skin this one while I go get another one."

Crabs or crotch crickets or pubic body lice

2011-03-16T00:07:00.003-04:00

Eat for the health of it.

Mostly these little devils are in the pubic area but they can also be in the eyelashes, trunk hair or the armpit hair. If this happens just get some shampoo or lotion (A-200 Pyrinate) and use it liberally on your body wherever you think they are, like waist to knees. Also you can try 1 tablespoon of tea tree oil or melalueca oil to one pint of warm water or bathe with a soap or shampoo containing melalueca. Although the lice die quickly the itching may linger for a week. Be sure to wash the bedding and it might be a good idea to wash it every day for a few days, using hot water and soap. They are usually sexually transmited but on rare occasions, if an infected person sits on the toilet seat and you use that toilet seat within a short time, it could happen like that. I always wipe the toilet seat off and that should help.

Don't forget my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also at Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com. Enjoy! Thank you for those who have already ordered my book.

Laughter is healthy:

This old fella goes fishing on a frozen lake. He cuts a hole in the ice and drops his line in. He's there for an hour and hasn't caught a thing. A young boy comes near him and cuts a hole and drops the line in and catches a fish almost instantly. The old fella watches him and he catches another. This goes on for some time and the older man is curious and goes over to the boy and asks him,"How do you do that? I haven't caught a thing yet and I have been here for an hour and a half."
The boy responds,"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

The old man looks puzzled and he said, "I didn't understand what you said,"

Again the boy says," Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

The old man says,"Look I can't understand a thing you are saying."

So the boy spits into his glove and says,"You have to keep the worms warm."

just another joke

2011-03-10T00:32:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy:

Four fishermen go on a fishing trip.They rent all the equipment they need, the reels, rods, wading suites, the boat, the car, and even the cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch a thing.Every day was the same, no fish. Finally after almost a week of trying one of the men catches a fish. On the way home one of the men says,"Do you realise that this lousy fish cost us $1500?"

One of the other guys pops up and says,"Wow! I'm sure glad we didn't catch any more!"

Just a joke tonight

2011-03-09T00:18:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy: A young preacher is contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside service. On the way to the cemetery the young preacher got lost and was late getting to the cemetery. There wasn't anyone there but a couple of guys eating their lunch. The pastor goes over to the grave sight. The vault lid was already on the grave. He takes out his prayer book and begins to read the service.

As he returns to his car he hears the men chuckling and one asks the other, "Should we tell him that we just installed a new septic tank?"

Honey and cinnamon

2011-03-05T00:00:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are having a lot of colds, upset stomach, and other ailments and you are tired of them just take a tablespoon of all natural honey and a teaspoon of ground cinnamon. Mix it together and drink it or place it in some hot tea and drink it. Repeat every day until the problem is gone. Or if you feel like it, take it to keep from getting colds or flu. Just remember to check the honey and make sure it is all natural, yes, they are cutting our good healthy honey with High Fructose Corn Syrup. And another thing is that they are changing the name from HFCS to Corn Sugar, so don't let them fool you.

Why not try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone at:1-800-788-7654.Also at: www.amazonbooks.com, abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com and BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A preschool teacher asks the class, "Can anyone give me a sentence using the word definately?"
The first little girl stands up and says,"The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher says,"No, Amy,the sky can be blue or gray."
Little Johnnie stands up and says,"The trees are definitely green."
The teacher again explains that the trees can be other colors.
The little boy from the back of the class stands up and asks,"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and answers, "Of course not!"
"Okay. Then I definitely messed my pants."

just a joke tonight

2011-02-28T23:47:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

This farmer had a large farm pond and one night as he was out checking things over, he noticed some young gals were swimming in his pond and he noticed that they had removed their clothing and were presumed naked. As he stood and watched them they hollered to the farmer, "We are not going to come out until you go away. We know you just want to see us naked."

The farmer answered,"No, I don't care if you want to swim in my pond because I just came out to feed my alligator."

I think he knew what was going to happen.hahaha.

can't go?

2011-02-26T23:17:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you have problems moving your bowels, try some Psyllium Husk capsuls and Magnesium. I get them at the healthfood store. Ask questions if you want to know more, they are very helpful. Drink plenty of water with the Psyllium because the capsuls use plenty of water to do there work and you don't want them caught half way down.
If you enjoy eating good healthy food please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. You may order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com or phone at: 1-800-788-7654 or you may order at: Amazon.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Four little boys were discussing the fact that noone wanted to play with them and they soon decided that they were not baptised and they did not go to church so they ran down to the church on the corner and went inside where the janitor was working. The boys explained the situation to the janitor and they asked him if he would baptise them.
The janitor said, "Sure." He took them into the bathroom and stuck there heads into the toilet stool, and said,"There you are all baptised."
They went outside and discussed what religion they were.

The first boy says,"We're not katlics, because they pour the water on your head."
The second boy says,"We're not Baptiss, because they put you in the water."
The third boy says,"We're not Methdiss, because they sprinkle water on you."
The smallest boy of the group said,"Didn't you smell that water?"
They all answered, "Yeah! What does that mean?"
The little guy answers,"I think it means we are pisskopalians,"

chapped lips

2011-02-23T23:51:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you like being in the sun or outside be sure to use lip gloss at least half hour before going outside. Keep reapplying it if you are out for very long. I hate it when my lips get all cracked and sore. I guess I didn't put enough on or not often enough. Most of the lip balms contain soothing relief and protection but you have to put it on a lot. I thought if I put it on once it would last the 1/2 hour I would be out there but my lips are cracked and dry or I used the wrong kind. I'll have to check into that. It feels like they are healing.

I want to thank whom ever bought my books. I really appreciate it. There is a lot of recipes in my book that can really help you be more healthy. They are chemical free if you follow the recipes. For anyone interested in GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at:www.Dorrancepublishing.com or Phone at: 1-800-788-7654.
I wrote this book because I found out that I was allergic to all the chemicals they are putting in our food and it is getting worse all the time. The most recent allergic reaction I had is from the genetically altered soybeans. I asked at the time they came out with them, "What would stop them from mixing those altered beans with the safe edible beans?" They can say, 'it won't happen,' but I have been in many elevators and I can see where this could happen easily. Even on the farm, if a farmer has a strip of beans left that are roundup ready beans and he can't fit it on his load, do you think he would say, "What's going to hurt if I dump these on my other load with the edible beans?" It has happened so I know it's in there because I get sick when I eat anything that contains these roundup ready soy products. It's very painful. I play Russian Roulette every time I eat something with soy products in it. I have to find someone that knows where to send a letter to. I doubt it will make any difference anyway.But I want to try.

Laughter is healthy:

A woman is rummaging through the turkeys in the case at the grocery store and cannot find one large enough for her family. She asks the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The boy replies, "No ma'am they're dead." BOOOooo I know that was really bad but it's late and I am very tired. Good night.

just a joke

2011-02-20T00:21:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

An attorney gets home late from work after spending the day trying to get a stay of execution for his client, he was worn out and depressed. His wife had thoughts of him cheating on her and begins to question him,"Where were you? Why are you so late? Now your dinner is cold."
He ignores her; pours himself a drink and goes upstairs to take a shower. The phone rings while he is upstairs and his wife takes the message."Tell your husband that they are not hanging Jim Wright tonight. The judge ordered a stay of execution."

His wife feels bad that she was so hard on him after having a long day. She runs upstairs and opens the bathroom door and finds her husband bent over drying his feet and legs.
She quickly tells him,"They are not hanging Wright tonight."

He whirled around and yelled,"for cripes sake woman can you think of anything else to complain about?"

Are you planning a trip to the mountains?

2011-02-16T23:50:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are going into the mountains for the first time, you may want to try spending a half day at a time until you adjust to the altitude. If you have flown a few times it may not bother you if you passed that with flying colors.

If this is your first time and you experience flu like symptoms, shortness of breath, headaches and nausea, loss of appetite, it could be from the altitude.You may want to go back to the lower grounds and start again the next day. Drink plenty of liquids. Be sure to eat good too. Don't smoke. If you experience a constant cough, vomit or become confused, dizzy or short of breath, get medical care, you could get a buildup of fluid in your lungs or brain.

I am hoping that you will eat all natural and stick with healthy foods all the time for better health. If you don't really know what is all natural I would like you to try my all natural cookbook: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK by Teresa Thompson, ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. It is available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone number is: 1-800-788-7654. It is available at Bassettes Healthfood store in Toledo, Ohio on Secor road between Sylvania Avenue and Executive Parkway. It is also available at:BarnsandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com. Amazonbooks.com and Abebooks.com. This makes a nice gift for any occasion and especially for someone that has allergies or just wants to eat healthy.

Another book that is very interesting to read is: 'Under Obligation' by Trishianna Rose Roberts,ISBN#1-58736-601-0 available at: www.wheatmark.com, abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com ISBN#978-1587366010 and BarnesandNoble.com ISBN#978-1587366010.

Laughter is healthy:

A man goes to the barber shop for a shave. As the barber is lathering his face with the foam, he mentions that he always has a hard time getting a close shave around his cheeks.
"I have just the thing for that," says the barber. He hands him a small round wooden ball and tells him, "Just place this ball between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber gives him the closest shave he has ever had.
After awhile the client asked in his garbled speech,"What if I swallow this?"
"No problem, just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

just time for a joke

2011-02-14T23:59:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Several men were sitting in the locker room and suddenly a phone on the bench begins to ring. A man picks it up and says,"Hello?"

"Honey, it's me, are you at the gym?"

"Yes."
"I'm at the mall and I saw this beautiful mink coat. Can I please buy it?"

"How much is it?"

"$1500."

"Okay, if you like it that much."

"I also saw that Mercedes at the dealership and it's got a really good price on it."

"How much?"

"Only $60,000."
"Okay, but make sure it has all the options."

"One more thing,I stopped at the real estate office and that house we looked at is marked down to $350,000."

"Go ahead and get it."

"Okay dear, I'll see you at home."

The guy hangs up and asks, "Does anyone here own this phone?"

Just time for a joke

2011-02-12T23:24:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

The husband is met by his sobbing wife as he opens the door and enters. She is upset as she tells him,"The pharmacist was nasty to me and I have been upset all day."

Immediately the husband drives to the drugstore and confronts the pharmacist.
The pharmacist explains," Please listen to my side of the story. This morning my alarm failed to go off,so I was late.I left without breakfast and in my hurry, I left the keys in the house and the door was locked and I couldn't get back into the house to get the car keys. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving too fast to get to work I got a speeding ticket. Three blocks from work I got a flat tire. I was met at the door with several people waiting for me to open up. Then the phone was ringing constantly. When I was making change for a customer I had to break open a roll of nickles and they spilled on the floor and as I was on the floor picking up the nickles the phone rang and I bumped my head on the drawer and that caused me to stagger and I backed into a shelf of perfume and they fell on the floor and broke two of the best perfumes. The phone was still ringing and when I answered it and it was your wife and she asked me how to use the rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I told her."

Joke only

2011-02-12T00:06:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

God is looking down on earth and He sees all of the rascally behavior that is going on. He decides to send an angel down to check it out.

When the angel returns, he tells God, "Yes, it is bad on earth, 95% of the people are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thinks for a moment and decides to send another angel to get a second opinion.

When the second angel returns and verifies what the first angel tells Him, "Yes, the earth has declined, 95% are misbehaving and 5% are still good."

God is not pleased, so he emails the 5% to encourage them to keep up the good work.

Do you know what the email said? I didn't get one either.

Do you have acne?

2011-02-09T23:58:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Whiteheads are plugged pores. Do not squeeze them. Sgueezing causes inflamation. If the pimple has already gotten an infection and has turned yellow from the puss, take a warm wet washcloth and place it on the area for a few minutes and then take a sterilzed needle and prick it and sqeeze the pus out using a tissue or a gauze. It should heal but it may take some time.

Blackheads are plugs of oil and should not be squeezed. This can cause scarring. You can remove blackheads with an extractor that you can buy at a drugstore. Again you should place a warm wet washcloth on the area first.

Try to control blemishes with medicated lotions.Try benzoyl peroxide. Don't leave it on too long or it may irritate the skin and just cover the affected area. You can leave it on for maybe an hour or so then wash it off.

Use a hypoallergenic moisturizer. Also use hypoallergenic makeup and suntan lotion.

Eating good all natural foods will also help keep a smooth skin and if you eat all natural it will also keep you looking younger.
You can learn to eat all natural from my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, Phone # 1-800-788-7654, Available at Bassettes Healthfood store in Toledo, Ohio on Secor Road between Sylvania Avenue and Executive Parkway. Also available at: Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

This young woman went to confession and told the priest, "Father, I have sinned."
The priest told her,"Go ahead and tell me your sins."

The young lady said,"Last night my boyfriend and I made mad passionate love seven times."
The priest said," I want you to go home and squeeze 7 lemons and I want you to drink the juice."
The young lady asked, "Father, will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest answered,"No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

just a joke tonight

2011-02-09T00:19:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

This guy goes into a bar and notices a large jar and it's filled with money on the end of the bar. He asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender says,"you have to pay $10 and then you have to do three things and if you can do them you will get the money in the jar and a new car. The guy thinks, that would be great, then asks the bartender,"What do I have to do?" The bartender says, "You have to pay the money first." The guy agrees and asks,"Now what do I do?"

The bartender tells him that he has to drink a bottle of tequila, then there is a Pitt bull chained in the back yard and he has a bad tooth and he will have to pull the tooth and third; there is a ninty year old virgin upstairs and he would have to take care of her needs.

The guy drinks the bottle of tequila; there is a lot of noise coming from the back of the bar and after awhile the guy comes in all scratched and bitten, he asks,"Now where is that old lady that needs a tooth pulled?"

Are pregnant women getting to many chemicals?

2011-02-05T23:33:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I just have to send the high lights of this email letter I received. It makes me sick to think that pregnant mom's may not even know that they are harming their babies before they are even born.

This artical claims that a study was done on 268 pregnant women, and they found 43 risky chemicals in nearly all of them. So they decided that pregnant women should eat less fat. Pregnant women or at least the baby needs this fat. Fats are essential in the development of the fetus and it is crutial for the babies developement. Breast milk doesn't come in fat free. So don't avoid fats,,, avoid plastics, cans, processed foods, soy, sunscreen, and watch the shampoos and soaps. It would be best if you would go to the health food store and get soaps and shampoos. I would even suggest you be very careful and eat all natural foods. Think of the baby. What you eat, the baby eats.

I can help you with all natural cooking because I am allergic to all of these nasty chemicals they put in our food and I wrote a book on all natural cooking. If you are interested it is : GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. You may order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone#1-800-788-7654. Also available at: BarnesandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A man goes skydiving for the first time and after listening to every detail of the instructor and he tells the instructor that he is ready. He is excited as he jumps from the plane and after a short time he pulls the cord but nothing happens. He tries again and still nothing happens. He starts to panic and then he remembers his back-up shoot. He pulls on it too but still nothing happens. He looks down and can't believe what he is seeing, a guy is flying upward.As he is even with him he asks the guy,"Do you know anything about skydiving?"

He answers,"No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

caffeine, is it good for you?

2011-02-03T23:34:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I used to drink a lot of coffee with caffeine in it and I got lumps in my breasts, I tell you that scared me. I thought for sure I had cancer. The lumps were removed and they were benign. But I was told not to drink anything with caffeine in it. It was difficult at first because I had know idea that I was actually addicted to caffeine. I had to have my first cup of coffee with the caffeine and then the rest of my coffee for the day was decaf. I am down to drinking two cups of decaf coffee now and I am doing fine with that. I guess I never realized that the caffeine in the regular coffee was a stimulent. Since I have had all these allergies to chemicals too, I just eat all natural foods and drinks and all of my stats are great. No High blood pressure,my stomach doesn't bother me only when I overeat. I don't get headaches if I don't get my coffee. Do remember that a lot of foods and drinks have caffeine in them too.Coffee, tea, cocoa, chocolate milk, soft drinks, also prescription drugs, over the counter meds etc. ask the druggist if you are allergic to caffeine or if you aren't supposed to use it.

If you want to eat all natural try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone number: 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: Books-a-million.com, Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

An advertising team is working very late at night because the project was due for the next morning, suddenly a genie appears and offers them a wish.
The copywriter says,"I would like to go to a tropical island so I can write my great American novel."

The genie says," No problem and poof he's gone.
The art director says,"I want to create a beautiful painting and hang it in the museum in Paris."
The genie says,"Your wish is granted." and poof, he was gone.
The genie asks the account executive,"And what is your wish?"
The account executive says,"I want those two jerks back here right now."

Finger nails

2011-02-02T00:04:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Did you ever think that your finger nails could reveal a lot about you? I'm forever snagging mine. They seem to grow really fast and then you snag them on something and you feel you have to trim them all off to all look alike. Mine do grow really fast and then I snag them, so I am cutting them once a week.Pink nails indicate they are healthy. A very pail or blue or nails streaked with white is really not healthy.

Some people like to use artificial nails but watch how long you leave them on, your nails don't like that and they can look pretty bad. If you are doing a lot of cleaning and putting your hands in the water a lot, you really should use rubber gloves.

Eat your protein, use calcium, vitamin B, possibly zinc and iron. It would be best to have a blood test to see what vitamins you may need.

It is best to eat all natural foods and your system usually gets what it needs. One way to find out how to eat all natural is to use my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, phone # 1-800-788-7654. Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Two hunters are in the woods and the one guy collapses. His friend checks his pulse and he has none. He calls the emergency service and they ask him what his problem is.

My friend has collapsed and he is dead, what should I do?

The operator says,"Calm down, I can help you but first of all we have to make sure he is dead."

There is a silence, then a gun shot.

The guy gets back on the phone and says, "Okay, now what?"

Bad breathe from eating garlic

2011-02-01T00:45:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I like garlic and it is really good for you but man when you eat it, it can stay for a couple of days. Well fear no more, after you enjoy your meal with some garlic in it just drink a glass of milk afterwards and wala, it's gone.

If you are looking for a good all natural cookbook please try: GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please phone at:#1-800-788-7654,www.dorrancepublisihing.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor.
"I'm sorry he's dead," came the reply.
The musician calls back twenty five times, always getting the same reply. She finally asks," He's dead, why do you keep calling?"
"I just like to hear you say it."

I know it's a bad one but I am tired and gotta go to bed.

do you have dandruff of the eyelids?

2011-01-27T23:53:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

No, this isn't a joke. If you have never heard of this before, it is a red and scaly condition, it is believed to be brought on by dandruff and is a form of eczema. If you have this and cannot get to a doctor right away, treat it with warm water and soap twice a day. You can also go to the drugstore and get a dandruff shampoo with zinc pyrithione as an active ingredient. Be sure to keep this shampoo out of the eyes.
This can be brought on by food allergies too so you may have to find out what you are allergic to. This is when you stop eating all foods that could cause an allergy (and that can be a lot of things). If you have read my book it tells how I had to eliminate almost all foods, then you start out by eating rice, then add another food, like poatoes, or some thing that you don't normally eat. Fruits and vegetables are good to add, of course some people may be allergic to citric acid too. Mainly stick to all natural foods because you don't want to eat processed foods because they have artificial ingredients and that could be your problem. I've been there.

You might want to try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: 1-800-788-7654 or www.dorrancepublishing.com, Abebooks.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Ethal was on a cruise ship and she sits at the bar and orders a scotch with 2 drops of water. As the bartender brings her drink she tells him that she is eighty years old today and she is celebrating her birthday by going on this cruise.

The bartender says,"Well, since it's your birthday, this drink is on me."

The lady sitting next to her waits until she has finished her drink and she tells the bartender to bring the lady another drink for her birthday.

The old lady thanks her and tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up ma'am."
As she finishes her drink, the man to her right says,"Bring this lady a drink."
The old lady thanked him and tells the bartender, "bring me another scotch with 2 drops of water".
The bartender obliges and as he hands her the drink he asks,"Ma'am, I am dying of curiosity, why only two drops of water?"

The old lady replies," Sonny, when you get my age, you will learn that you can hold your liquor but you can't hold your water."

Ear wax

2011-01-27T00:08:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are having difficulty hearing, you should have your ears checked, they may be full of wax. If you don't have time to see a doctor try putting hydrogen peroxide, glycerine or mineral oil in the ears for two or three days then wash the ears out with warm water(with a suringe) or you can stand in the shower and let the water in your ears too.Don't use Q-tips or you will push the wax in farther.

Try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, or phone at:1-800-788-7654 or you may order at: Amazonbooks.com, Abebooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnesandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A man is telling his friend, "I had it all-money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman and then POW! It was all gone."
His friend is listening and exclaims,"My word man, what happened?"
"My wife found out."

Just a joke tonight

2011-01-25T23:52:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Jack's wife was after him for three days to paint the toilet seat, tired of her nagging he gets up early the next morning and paints the seat, then he goes outside to putter on some other projects he has to get done. It was a special paint that dries quickly and of course Jack didn't think his wife would get up and use the toilet before it dried, but this morning she got up early and sat on the toilet seat but when she tried to get off the seat she found herself stuck fast.

Sometime later Jack comes in to use the bathroom and finds his wife stuck fast to the toilet seat. As much as he tried nothing seemed to work so he loosened the toilet seat and hauled her off to the hospital. As the attending physician tried to help her out of this situation the woman asks the doctor."I'll bet you never saw anything like this before?"

The doctor answered her,"Actually, I have seen a lot of them but never mounted.

just a joke

2011-01-23T00:49:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

One evening a father asks his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
He replied, "I don't want to know."

His father asked,"Why not?"

"Because, when I was six, you told me there wasn't really an Easter bunny." Then he went on, "when I was seven, you told me their really wasn't a tooth fairy, then when I was eight you told me there wasn't a Santa, now if you tell me that grownups don't get laid, I have nothing to live for."

do you have sinus problems?

2011-01-18T00:15:00.004-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I have had sinus problems for some time now but if I remember to use my netti pot I seem to do pretty well with it. You can buy a netti pot at a drugstore or a healthfood store. They come with a packet of medication or probably a type of salt to add to the warm water, then you pour it into one nostril and it comes out the other, then do the other side. Now my netti pot didn't have the ingredients in the box, I am assuming that someone had taken it out or it was never packed in with the pot. I just use sea salt. I just place a pinch of the sea salt into the pot and stir it a bit and use it. Try it, it really works. Even if you feel better, keep using it maybe once or twice a week. Follow the instructions that come with it.

I would like you to try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone at: 1-800-788-7654 or you may order at:Books-a-million.com or BarnsandNoble.com, Amazonbooks.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A doctor and a Baptist minister were seated together on a plane. There was a delay so they were offering free drinks. A very attractive stewardess comes around and asks the doctor if he would like a drink. He answers, "Yes, I'll take a gin and tonic." The flight attendant hands him the drink and then she asks the minister if he would like a drink as well. The minister answers,"Oh No! I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol."

The doctor promptly hands the gin and tonic back to the attendant and says,"Madame, I didn't know there was a choice."

only time for a joke

2011-01-16T22:57:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

At least a joke.

An elderly fellow goes to the doctor and as he enters the waiting room, which is filled with people and the receptionist, who looks like a Sumo wrestler, bellows out to the guy,"Oh yes, you're the guy who is having trouble with impotence, right?

The guy is ticked at the ignorance of this woman, so he answers her,"No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation, but I don't want the doctor that did yours."

Everyone applauded.

If you are having bouts with vomiting

2011-01-14T00:48:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Recently a friend said his wife was having problems vomiting and was losing a lot of weight. Naturally I remembered what I had read about repeated vomiting. Try drinking juices from pears, guava, mango and papaya. That should help. Also eat the fruit if nothing else will stay down. Stay away from acidic fruits,like citris fruits and juices.

Please try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also available at: Books-a-million.com and BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

These two guys are camping and during the night the one guy nudges his companion and says, "Hey buddy, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

His buddy says,"I see the stars in the sky, millions of stars and a few of those have planets and I imagine that some of those planets have life."

"But why can you see the stars?" he asks.

"Because it's dark out."

"No, you idiot,somebody stole our tent."

helpful hint only tonight

2011-01-13T00:28:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Good exercise,

With a five# potato bag in each hand, stand straight and tall and extend arms straight out from your sides hold as long as you can; try to reach a full minute.

Each day try a little longer.

After a couple of weeks move up to a 10# potato bag, and repeat.

Then move to a 50# potato bag and then to a 100# potato bag, and repeat exercise.

After you feel confident at that level, place a potato in each bag.

I'm sorry, I forgot to put just a joke in the title area.

Are you troubled with vaginal infections?

2011-01-11T22:58:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are troubled with vaginal infections you should try eating seafood like, sardines, squid and octipus and all types of fish and keep active. People that keep working and moving about have less infections. And eat plenty of all natural foods.

If you need a good all natural cookbook please try GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. You can purchase it at www.dorrancepublishing.com or by phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Or you may order at: Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com, Amazonbooks.com and Abebooks.com.

Laughter is healthy:

A lady tree hugger, anti hunter, from Los Angeles, purchased a piece of property near Calville, WA. She climbed a large tree to view her property and as she reached near the top she had an encounter with a spotted owl. To get away from the owl she slid down the tree and ended up with splinters in her crotch. She was in severe pain as she drove herself to the hospital. She explained that she was an environmentalist and an anti hunter. The doctor listened as she explained everything and he said he would be back shortly. She sat and waited three hours for him to return. The woman asked,"What the heck took you so long?"

He smiled and told her, "Well, I had to go to the EPA for permits for the Forest Services Bureau of Land Management before I could remove 'old growth' timber from a 'recreation area'so close to a waste treatment facility."

Just a joke tonight

2011-01-08T23:41:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

This man is sitting at the dinner table reading his paper when his wife swats him aside his head.

"What the heck was that for?" he asks.

"That was for the piece of paper I found in your pants pocket from Mary Lou."

"Don't you remember the night I went to the races? The horse I bet on was Mary Lou."

Feeling a bit bad for hitting him, she kissed him and left for work.

A few days later she hits him again.

"Now what was that for?"

"Your horse called today."

best to drink warm water

2011-01-07T00:09:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Do you drink cold water with your meals? It's really better if you drink hot tea with your meals because the cold water will solidify the oily stuff and slow down digestion. This sludge then will will react with the acids and break down and be absorbed by the intestines, turn into fat and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot or warm tea with your meals like the Japanese do. I think the Chinese do that too because I always get the hot tea with my meal.

Laughter is healthy:

A man is drunk and in no shape to drive home so he leaves his car parked in the lot and starts to walk home. A policeman comes along and notices that he is weaving around.
The policeman asks the drunk,"What are you doing out here at 2:00 AM.?"
"I am going to a lecture," he answered.
"And who is giving the lecture at this hour?" the cop asks.
"My wife," says the drunk.

a comment and a joke

2011-01-05T00:14:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

About the water and chewing the inside of my mouth. I think that I am right about the water. If you are having this problem, try drinking more water. I think it is working for me.

Laughter is healthy:

Johnnie and Suzy ran into each other after church. They spoke to one another and little Johnnie asked Suzy where she was going.

Suzy answered."I am going home from church.Where are you going?"

Johnnie replies, "I am going home to. Where do you go to church?"

"I go to the Catholic church on the hill."

"Well, I go to the Lutheran Church on the hill."

"I will meet you here next Sunday and we can walk together."

"OK."

The next Sunday they met at the same place and before they started up the hill, there was a stream that formed from the heavy rain the night before.

As they both stood watching the water running in the stream,Suzy said, "I don't know about you but my mother will be really mad if I get this new dress all wet."

Johnnie answered,"My mother will be ticked off too if I get this new suit wet."

Suzy thought for a minute and said,"Well. I am going to take my clothes off and hold it above my head until I cross the stream."

Little Johnnie said, "That's a good idea, I'll take my clothes off and do the same thing."

They crossed the stream and as they got to the other side, Johnnie looked at Suzy and said,"I never new there was that much difference between a Catholic and a Lutheran."

I know that's pretty bad, but I didn't have anything else ready and i am going to bed.

chewing the inside of your mouth

2010-12-30T23:34:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I have read article after article on why people chew the inside of the mouth. I recently have been bothered with it too. I have done it before and for some reason I quit but I never knew why. I did notice one thing though I tried drinking more water
(not fluids but water). Yes, I heard the same thing that liquid is liquid, but now I am drinking more water and I am not chewing so much. I am going to keep drinking more water and see what happens. I hope to write a follow up on this, especially if it really works.

I eat all natural but some times I happen to eat something that isn't and I get these reactions and it is a possibility that it could be related to chemicals, there are so many chemicals in our food. I hope I can find out. Try to eat all natural and drink plenty of filtered water. See if that works. You can find a lot of good recipes in my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at:www.dorrancepublishing.com or call at:1-800-788-7654. It is also available at:BarnsandNoble.com, Books-a-million.com and Abebooks.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Two employees from the gas company were working on a house and the younger fella says to the older man,"Man you are getting old."

"That might be true but I can still outrun you."

"Lets have a race."

With that, they both start to run as fast as they can. They are doing a good job of keeping up with one another. They run around the first corner, the second corner and the third corner. As they came to the last corner, the younger fella sees this little old lady running as fast as she could. They are curious as to why she is running so they stop and ask her.

The lady responds," Well, you were at my house, checking the gas meter and I saw you both take off running so I thought I better get out of there too."

Vaginal infection

2010-12-29T23:58:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are prone to repeated vaginal infection, try eating more sea foods. Seafood has a lot of Iodine and other trace elements. This is very important to the internal organs and glands. And exercise is another important issue. If you don't have a lot of work around the house, maybe joining a YMCA and get into the arobics classes or swim. Of course eating healthy is one of the best things to do for your body and system.

If you want to learn all about eating healthy you can learn it all from my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. Phone at:1-800-788-7654.
Also available at: Amazonbooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnesandNoble.com.

Laughter is Healthy:

A police officer was scheduled for all night duty at the station but being things were calm and slow he was sent home early. Not wanting to wake up his wife, he undresses in the dark and piles his close on the floor and starts to climb into bed when his wife sits up and says, "Oh dear, would you go to the all night drugstore on the corner and get me some aspirin? I have a splitting headache."

"Yes dear, I will be right back." He feels his way in the dark again, gets dressed and walks to the drugstore on the corner.

He arrives at the drugstore and the pharmcist askes,"Arn't you officer Haley from the police department?"

"Yes,I am.Why do you ask."

"I just wondered why you were dressed as a Fire Chief?"

Drugs and certain foods

2010-12-28T23:31:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

For those who do not keep up with the news, you have to watch what drugs you take with certain foods. It's been out for some time that certain drugs you don't mix with grapefruit. I think that every drug should come with warnings, but maybe people fail to read the instructions if they do come with it. To be on the safe side you should ask your druggist about the drug you are taking and if there are foods that should not be used. Sometimes you just have to wait a couple of hours.

If you are interested in an all natural cookbook,please try GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. You may order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com or at: 1-800-788-7654. Also at Amazonbooks.com or Books-a-million.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

Laughter is Healthy:

Maybe you heard this on the Jay Leno show, I think it is too funny. Jay asked the lady what her most embarassing moment was and she told him that she had met this man at a friends wedding and he asked to take her home after they had spent the evening getting acquainted. She wanted to go to the restroom but it was lined up and she decided that she could wait until she got home.When she got out side and the cold air hit her she wished she had gone but he was opening the door for her to get in and she felt she could make it home, but a few miles away she decided that nature was going to take it's course and she asked him to pull over so that she could go pee. He stopped and she got out in the snow which was rather slippery with her high heeled shoes. She got her panties down and for fear of slipping and falling in the snow she backed herself against the bumper of the car and did her job and as she attempted to stand up, she realized that the cold weather had frozen her butt to the bumper and she coudn't get it loose and after some time the fellow got out of the car to check on her and realizing that she was frozen fast and there wasn't any way but one that was going to get her loose. He unzipped his pants and began to pee on the bumper and her butt. Well she finally got loose and they ended up getting married. I thought this was funny enough to pass on.

Bad toothache?

2010-12-26T23:06:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Try crushing a few peanuts with a grinding rock and mixing it with some onion or garlic,crushed to a pulp with a grinding rock. Mix together into a paste and spread the mixture on a cloth to hold it in place on the aching tooth for several hours.
This will help until you can get to a dentist.

It's good to know some home health fixers just in case you get sick in the night or on weekends and you might be too far away from the hospital or if you are camping and you don't know where the hospital is.

And anytime you can fix something by all natural means you're really better off but there are certain things that you really need to go to a doctor or hospitalfor.

All natural cooking is really a better way to eat too because you get the vitamins and other essentials that you don't get from processed and artificial ingredients.

If you are looking for some good home cooking and all natural ingredients, please try my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Available at Bassettes Health food store on Secor road in Toledo Ohio, between Sylvania Avenue and Executive Parkway. Also available at BarnsandNoble.com and Books-a-million.com.

Laughter is healthy:

This young fella lives next to the railroad and is impressed with the trains and decides that he wants a job on the railroad and the inspector is showing him around. He asks the young man what he would do if he saw that 2 trains were about to hit head on. The young man says,"I would switch the points for one of the two trains."
The inspector asks,"What if the lever broke?"
"Then I would run back into the signalbox and phone the next signal."
"What if the phone didn't work?"
"Well, in that case I would run to the corner and use the public phone."
"What if that one was broke?"
"Well, I guess in that case I would run into the village and get my uncle."
The inspector is taken by surprise and asks,"Why would you do that?"
"Because he has never seen a train crash."

Potassium-important

2010-12-24T23:52:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I never realized that the twitching in my face or neck had anything to do with a lack of potassium. I just recently read an artical about potassium and by eating potassium rich food, it can make the twitching stop. I have been eating a banana every day and I haven't had the twitching, so I learned something new. It's a good thing I really like bananas.

If you are looking for a good cookbook to help you stay healthy, why not try GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. You may order it at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. You may also order it at: Amazonbooks.com, Books-a-million.com, BarnesandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

Santa Claus, like all pilots,gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration. Knowing this, Santa has the elves wash the sled and bathe the reindeer. He has checked the paperwork and logbook. He waits for the FAA to examine all of his equipment and check out his flying skills.
When the examiner gets there he checks the harnesses,landing gear,the sled, and Rudolph's nose.He even had to weigh Santa.Santa nestle's in the seat and fastens his seat belt. As the examiner checks the compass, he hops in the other side carrying a shotgun.
Santa was naturally curious,"What is that for?"
The examiner winks at Santa and says,"I am not supposed to tell you this ahead of time, but you're going to lose an engine on takeoff.

hornet sting

2010-12-16T23:52:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I got stung by a hornet and that little devil stayed in my finger for quite awhile and I couldn't get him out. I quickly ran to find out what to do with it and I remembered that I had some meat tenderizer in the cupboard with MSG and I went to get it and someone apparently had thrown it out so I had some homemade brew of vinegar and banana peel and I put that on it and it did help. Also it says to use mud and I also used vinegar and listerine later on because the other was all used up. Whatever one worked the best, I really don't know I just wanted to keep it from swelling and it worked.

Don't forget to try my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK, ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. You may also order at: Books-a-million.com, or BarnsandNoble.com.

Laughter is healthy:

This guy was sitting at the bar with his drink sitting in front of him when a biker tuffy comes in and sits down beside him and takes his beer and gulps it down then sets the empty glass down on the bar. He asks the guy, "How's your day?"

The guy answers,"Well, I guess this is the worst day of my life, I am a complete failure, I was late for a meeting,I got fired, my car was stolen, I have no insurance, I left my wallet in the cab, I sit here waiting for the poison to dissolve in my beer and you-you jackass, come along and drink the whole thing. But enough about me, how was your day?"

insect bites

2010-12-14T23:29:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

I have used different things for insect bites, I guess it helps if you have something on hand like, lard and wood charcoal ashes or if you don't have the lard, use vasaline. One thing I have used on fire ant stings is MSG. Although I am very allergic to it if I eat it, it worked great for the ant bites. I immediately stompped my feet to remove them from my feet and legs and then I grabbed the container of MSG ( which I had saved for that purpose) I went to the bathroom and turned on the faucet and wet my legs and feet then sprinkled them with MSG. I only had one bite that bothered me because I must have missed it.

Laughter is healthy:

Bert always wanted a pair of cowboy boots and one day he bought a pair. He takes off his clothes and puts his boots on and goes into the living room where his wife, Ethel, is at. He struts through the living room and stands in front of Ethel and asks,"Do you notice anything?" "Nope." Ethels says,"It is hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it will still be hanging down tomorrow."
Bert was furious,"Do you know why it is hanging down?"
"No, not a clue."
"Bert told her,"Well it's hanging down because it is looking at my new boots."
Without missing a beat Ethel says,"Shoulda bought a hat."

I'm not into the teething lotion anymore but I did hear of a new one that I hadn't heard of before . May be worth a try.

2010-12-07T00:16:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If the baby is crying with teething pain, try rubbing some fresh pineapple juice on the gums and if you don't have the fresh or can't buy any at that time then buy a can of pineapple. If you have a little one it would be good to have some on hand just in case.

Remember my all natural cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7, available at: www.dorrancepubishing.com or call at: 1-800-788-7654.

Laughter is healthy:You get what you pay for.

Adam was walking in the garden one day when God asks him, " Adam, what is wrong?"
Adam says,"Lord, I am lonely."
God told Adam,"I can fix that, I will give you someone that will cook for you, talk to you, help you, agree with you,and bear your children. The company will never have a headache and will always agree with you on any decision you make. But I have to tell you that it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam responds,"An arm and a leg? Wow." After thinking it over he asks,"Lord, what will I get with just a rib?"

Do you sweat a lot?

2010-12-05T22:47:00.003-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you are a heavy sweater (well, sweat a lot) try some seaweed.

Don't forget my cookbook GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN# 0-8059-6286-7. Please order at: www.dorrancepublishing.com. or call at 1-800-788-7654.

Just a short cute story, this priest had a little kitten and he heard it crying and looked up in a tree but could not coax the little rascal down, so he tied a rope as far up in the tree as he could and tied the other end to his car and he thought by pulling the tree over a bit that he would then be able to reach the kitten. He tried but he couldn't reach the kitten so he decided to get back in his car and try to pull the tree a little farther and the rope broke and the kitten went flying. He searched around the house but didn't see the kitten so he decided to check the neighborhood. He walked down the street a ways and saw a little girl and her mother sitting on the porch, petting this little kitten and sure enough it was his kitten. The little girl was so happy with it that he didn't want to say anything, but the mother told him that the little girl had been asking for a kitten and she told her that, 'if God wants you to have a cat he will send you one, and sure enough this kitten came flying through the air so what could I say?"

Aloe Vera for sunburn

2010-12-04T23:52:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Maybe you aren't thinking of lying in the sun right now, unless you are in Florida. But if you do get sun burned well just get that bottle of Aloe Vera and slather it on. The sooner the better.

Did you know they have a new restaurant on the moon? The food is great but there is no atmosphere.

I know it's bad but I am tired and i am going to bed. 'Nite.

Just ajoke tonight

2010-12-03T22:36:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

Laughter is healthy:

An old gold digger comes into town on his horse and as he climbs off his horse he sees this young whipper snapper stagger out of the bar. The young feller draws his gun from the holster and asks the old man if he ever learned to dance. The old gold digger said, "No, I guess I never had the urge to dance." The younger feller said,"Well, lets get those feet a hoppin man and let's see if you can dance." As the young fella started shooting toward the old man, the old man started jumping like greese in a frying pan. The young feller laughed as he pushed his gun in the holster and started down the street.

About that time the old man had grabbed his double barrelled shotgun. He called out to the young man,"Say there, young fella." The young man turns around and finds a double barrelled shotgun pointed right at him. The old man asked him,"Have you ever kissed a horses butt?"
The young feller said politely,"Well, no sir, but I always wanted to."

did you ever get food poisoning?

2010-11-28T23:08:00.002-05:00

Eat for the health of it.

If you call it food poisoning or restaurant syndrome from maybe a not so clean restaurant, what ever, you want to get something in that stomach as fast as you can. I ate at a restaurant one time and I felt that the food just did not taste right and I was afraid it was spoiled so I called my waitress over and explained that I already swallowed some and I didn't want to get sick, so I asked her to bring me a glass of water and some apple cider vinegar, I drank it and I never got sick but I never ate there again either.

If you do eat some food that makes you sick, like vomiting, chills, fever, nausea or stomach cramps, try drinking some papaya juice or pear juice and drink some warm ginger tea for the chills and drink peppermint tea for stomach cramps. To stop the diarrhia mix three tablespoons of corn starch in a glass of water, drink quickly. It's good if you vomit because it clears your stomach of the stuff making you sick. To get your strength back, drink some warm beef broth or clear fish chowder.

Remember my all natural cookbook, GRANDMA'S BACK TO BASICS ALL NATURAL MORE THAN JUST A COOKBOOK ISBN#0-8059-6286-7. Available at: www.dorrancepublishing.com, or phone at: 1-800-788-7654. Also available at:Bassettes Healthfood Store on Secor Road in Toledo, Ohio, between Sylvania, Avenue and Executive Parkway.Also available at:Books-a-million.com, BarnsandNoble.com and Amazonbooks.com.

Looking for a good novel? 'Under Obligation' is a very good novel and will keep you interested to the very end. Please order at: www.wheatmark.com, Abebooks.com, Amazonbooks.com. ISBN# 1-58736-601-0. And now at: Books-a-million.com and BarnsandNoble.com ISBN# 978-1587366010.

Laughter is healthy:
An elderly couple are killed in an auto accident. They were given a tour of the heaven by saint Peter. "Here is your ocean-side condo; over there are the swimming pools, tennis courts, lounges and the golf courses. If you need refreshments or food to eat, there are many bars around the area."

The old man looks at his wife and said, "Heck Gloria, if you hadn't made me eat all that healthfood, we could have been here ten years ago."